Even Johnny Depp Doesn’t Know What Johnny Depp’s Accent Is

September 19, 2015 / Posted by:

Johnny Depp has been real-life role-playing an itchy-looking mumbling mid-life crisis hobo hipster pirate for so long, that apparently Johnny Depp can’t remember what Johnny Depp is supposed to sound like. Back in the 90s, Johnny Depp’s accent could be classified as Panty Dropping American English, but over time it started to morph into some kind of vague “British bag of weed after getting hit with a tranq dart” thing. Johnny is currently pimping out Black Mass, and maybe the accent part of his brain is still trying to do Whitey Bulger, because he sounded like a linguistic mess during an appearance on the Today show yesterday.

Johnny’s voice box was acting harder than an Oscar-hungry Leo DiCaprio. He started out sort of Johnny-ish, then moved into Foghorn Leghorn, then Drunk Pirate. Page Six seems to think they can hear Johnny slipping into an Australian accent, but I can’t really hear it. Go ahead and judge for yourself.

I would have actually loved it if Johnny went full Aussie. I also would have loved it if he’d thrown on a wig and pretended to be Joh’nny, the long-lost cousin of Ja’ime King from Summer Heights High, but that’s another wish for another day.

But speaking of shitting on things Johnny Depp did, Whitey Bulger himself took some time out of his busy being in prison schedule to have his attorney take a steamy wet one on JD’s performance in Black Mass and send it to People. Keep in mind that Whitey Bulger hasn’t seen Black Mass, and has no plans to ever see it.

“Johnny Depp might as well have been playing the Mad Hatter all over again as far as James Bulger is concerned. Hollywood greed is behind the rush to portray my client, and the movie missed the real scourge created in my client’s case, the real menace to Boston during that time and in other mob cases around the country – the federal government’s complicity in each and every one of those murders with the top echelon informant program.”

Don’t mind him, Johnny. He’s probably just pissed off that the prison decided to show a Mortdecai/Transcendence double-bill at the last movie night.

Pic: Wenn.com

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