Do you smell what The Rock is cooking? If you smell a mixture of boiling goat milk and Muscle Milk, then you do smell what The Rock is cooking, because that’s probably what his fertile jizz smells like.
Lauren Hashian, The Rock’s girlfriend of around 9 years, is baking a bundle of muscles in her womb after one of his sperm fish body slammed into one of her ovary eggs. Some source tells UsWeekly that The Rock and Lauren are “really excited” about becoming parents to their “little pebble.” (Side note: Santo dios, they’re totally naming their kid The Pebble.) Lauren doesn’t have to worry about spending hours in labor, because whenever The Rock’s child is ready to come out, it’ll crash through her stomach skin the same way The Rock crashes through a brick wall in his house when he forgets his key.
The Rock and Lauren (who is giving me Heather from Real Housewives of New York City with a drop of Giada De Laurentiis) are already parents to a bunch of Frenchies, but this is the first human child they will raise together. The Rock also has a 14-year-old daughter with his ex-wife Dany Garcia.
When The Pebble is born, The Rock doesn’t have to worry about Instagramming pictures of his new child, because we already know what that kid is going to look like:
I know, that was offensive. Like The Rock’s kid is just going to have a six-pack. Please. That child will be nothing but a 10-pack with eyes and a mouth.