Bitch Got Pranked: The Elton John Edition

When Elton John recently said, “Yeah, I TOTALLY talked to Putin about gay rights in Russia,” Putie Tang responded with, “кто.” (Rosetta Stone’s drunk, dyslexic second cousin Google Translate tell me that’s “who?” in Russian.)

Three days ago, Elton posted an Instagram post where he thanked President Vladimir Putin for calling him on the phone to talk about the awfulness that’s happening to the LGBT community in Russia. The Kremlin sharted up a thousand question marks over Elton’s Instagram post and they denied that Elton talked to the President of Russia. I figured that Crank Yankers was about to launch in Russia and Elton was their first victim. I was right, sort of.

Two Russian pranksters, who are known for hoaxing famous types, claim they were behind the call. According to CNN, Vladimir “Vovan” Krasnov and Alexei “Lexus” Stolyarov have told a Russian tabloid that they came up with the idea for the “prank” after Elton let it be known that he would like to talk to Putin about LGBT issues in Russia. One of them pretended to be Putin and the other pretended to be his press secretary/translator. Elton bought it. The call went on for over 10 minutes. Maybe the meaning of a prank call is different in Russia, because I thought the point of a prank call was to say ridiculous shit to get a response out of the prankee or to get the prankee to do say embarrassing. Example: One of my sister’s piece of trash friends found out that I had entered a record store contest to meet Seduction. So she called me at home and pretended to be the manager of the record store. She told me that I would win the contest as soon as I sang a few lines from my favorite Seduction song. I realized I had been played when she started laughing as I sang. Evil bitch. Yes, I fell for it, but in my defense I was a kid. Okay, it was last week.

In the call, Elton tells the fake Putin that he’ll gladly come to Gay Pride in Russia and says he’d like to meet face-to-face. The call ended with Elton actually thinking that he just talked to Putin. When Elton found out that his ass got trolled hard, he spit this out on Instagram:

Pranks are funny.

Homophobia, however is never funny.

I love Russia and my offer to talk to President Putin about LGBT rights still stands. I will always stand up for those that are being degraded and discriminated against.

If this unfortunate incident has helped push this vital issue back into the spotlight, then I am happy to be pranked on this occasion.

You can listen to the “prank” below if you want. Tip: Before you press play, put a cooler full of Gatorade next to you, keep a few Clif bars at your side and make sure a piss bottle is in reach, because it is looooooong and dry. Vovan and Lexus could’ve at least tried to “prank it up” a bit by telling Elton John that Putin will meet with him if he says, “I want to toss Madonna’s salad,” out loud. Or something!