Hot Slut Of The Day!

September 14, 2015 / Posted by:

Lucy Warren (as played by Hallie Todd), Blanche’s tramp niece from the first season of the Golden Girls!

30 years ago today, all of the Gods got together and decided to show humanity that they exist and good things happen in this world. So they gave us the Golden Girls! On September 14 1985, our messiahs first graced TV screens when the first episode of the Golden Girls aired on a Saturday. I know, it is an unpatriotic travesty that us Americans don’t get the day off to lounge on our lanais while eating cheesecake in between lovingly talking shit about each other. We should all e-mail our congressperson about this! (Send coochie and dicks pics when you do, because they’re probably into that and that’ll sweeten them up.)

But before you do that, let’s pay tribute to the greatest cultural phenomenon and the most soul-nourishing new religion of all-time. Every single Golden Girl is a Hot Slut of Eternity, so I’m going to pay homage to one of my favorite guest characters (besides Coco, of course). Lucy was the daughter of Blanche’s sister Virginia (the one who hit her up for a kidney later on). Lucy comes to Miami to interview at a college and hang out with Blanche, but she spends most of her time sluttin’ it up with dudes. Lucy starts the ho tour off by planning a date with a doctor she met on the plane and she spends her first night in Miami with him. Lucy “falls in love” with the doctor, but then dumps him for another dude. You’d think that Blanche would squirt a geyser of pride over Lucy being her slut successor (slutcessor?), but she didn’t. Blanche gave Lucy a serious talk about how you don’t need a dude to make you feel worthy and blah blah blah…

Lucy is one of my favorite, because her ho ways caused Sophia to spit out this legendary line:

I would chew off both of my arms if it meant that Sophia would refer to me a “slut.” Actually, that’s not true, because if I chewed off both of my arms I wouldn’t be able to keep my slut title by giving hand jobs to strangers in an alley.

Last year, Boy Culture did an informative-as-fuck encyclopedia of some of the best Golden Girls guest stars and if you want to educate yourself, click here. It should be taught in schools.

And with that, Happy Golden Girls Day, everyone! Thank YOU for being a friend.

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