So, despite the fact that Lily Allen has been skipping around divorce rumors for what feels like forever and that she recently joined Tinder, she’s still technically a married lady. But that doesn’t seem to be stopping former One Direction fetus Zayn Malik from trying to court her. According to The Sun, 22-year-old Zayn has been wooing 30-year-old Lily with a collection of NSFW pics.
Lily’s friends say that Zayn has had it bad for Lily since they met on a flight about two years ago, which isn’t sex-code for anything – they legitimately met on a flight. Of course, he couldn’t really pursue Lily because he was with Perrie Edwards. But once Zayn and Perrie’s love joined the rest of the soggy broken hearts on the stinky south-facing pile of expired relationships that was the Summer of Splits, he was free to pursue her. Or should I say “peensue.” Don’t worry, I’ll show myself out for that one. A source close to Lily gave The Sun this extremely British-sounding piece of gossip.
“Zayn fancies Lily and has made that very clear. He has even sent her X-rated pics and raunchy texts which Lily has told quite a few people in her close circle about. She’s flattered.”
I like to think the source then added: “Zayn thinks Lily is a really fit bird. He’s chuffed to bits about her. I know he’d fancy a snog and a shag, and he’s hoping a few mobile snaps of his trouser prawn will seal the deal.” Then he peeled away in his Shaguar while hollering “Yeah, baby!”
I’ve got to hand it to Zayn. He may be young, but he truly knows what a woman wants. I mean, nothing says “Will u be mine?” like a blurry weird angle pic of your junk. That’s so sweet. I’m sure Nicholas Sparks just lit his laptop on fire because he knows he can’t compete with Zayn’s next-level romance.