Goddess of the universe, Grace Jones, is releasing her memoirs titled “I’ll Never Write My Memoirs” later this month and Time Out London stuck the tip in a bit by posting a piece from it. It I had to only go by the piece Time Out London posted, I’d say that Grace’s memoirs will replace Rue McClanahan’s memoirs as my new Holy Bible. In the excerpt, Grace calls out all of the pop tricks of today (Miley Cyrus, RiRi, Beyonce, Lady Gaga, Rita Ora, Sia, Madonna, etc) for copying everyone including her, and she also throws out a little blind item. Grace writes about a pop star she calls “Doris,” who is a manufactured puppet and wanted to work with her. You should read the entire sermon from the Church of Grace here, but I’ve thrown a few quotes after the cut.
Grace Jones thinks she’s an original in a Xerox copy machine world:
Trends come along and people say, ‘Follow that trend’. There’s a lot of that around at the moment: ‘Be like Sasha Fierce. Be like Miley Cyrus. Be like Rihanna. Be like Lady Gaga. Be like Rita Ora and Sia. Be like Madonna.’ I cannot be like them – except to the extent that they are already being like me.
I have been so copied by those people who have made fortunes that people assume I am that rich. But I did things for the excitement, the dare, the fact that it was new, not for the money, and too many times I was the first, not the beneficiary.
Grace then gets into talking about this “Doris” trick. She describes Doris as “a baby in a closet full of other people’s clothes, a little girl playing dress-up.” Doris wanted to fuck with Grace, but Grace did not want to fuck with Doris.
I remember when one of the singers on the list of those who came after me first said that she wanted to work with me. Everyone around me is going: ‘You have to do it, it will be so good for you, it will introduce you to a whole new audience, you will make a lot of money’. No! It will be good for her; she will draw from everything I have built and add it to her brand, and I will get nothing back except for a little temporary attention. No one could believe that I said no, but I am okay on my own. I am okay not worrying about a new audience. If the fuck don’t feel right, don’t fuck it.
Grace took a little break from talking about Doris to tell us that she and Kate Moss fight over whether or not she’s a diva. Grace is not a diva, because the word “diva” has been stamped on absolutely everyone and it means nothing anymore. Diva basically means “bland piece of toast” nowadays:
Kate Moss often says to me that I am the only performer around at the moment who deserves to be called a diva.That gets us arguing, seemingly a little too serious if anyone hears us. I hate that word diva. It’s been so abused! Every singer given a makeover or a few weeks on a talent show seems to be called a diva these days! Christ almighty. Where’s the exclusivity? It’s so commercial now. For me, a diva is like the great opera singer, the great film star – out of reach, in their own world, with a real gift for invention, attention-demanding performance artists with a flamboyant, compelling sense of their own importance, so special and inimitable it verges on the alien. And of course the word is usually used to describe an apparently erratic female whose temperamental qualities, survival instincts, and dedication to perfection are seen as weaknesses, as self-indulgent, not a strength. So, Kate, I am not a diva. I am a Jones!
Finally, Grace has some advice for Doris:
Doris, I would say fame is all well and good if you want to take it to another level. If you have some greater purpose. Me, I am just a singer, on one sort of stage or another, who likes to have an audience, but not all the time. Listen to my advice; I have some experience. In a way, it is me being a teacher, which is what I wanted to be. I still feel I could go into teaching. What is teaching but passing on your knowledge to those who are at the beginning? Some people are born with that gift. With me, the teaching side morphed into the performing side. It’s in there. And these are my pupils – Gaga, Madonna, Annie Lennox, Katy Perry, Rihanna, Miley, Kanye West, FKA Twigs and… Doris.
1. Grace writes about how “Doris” looks lost and is just going through the motions while wearing a sparkly full-length gown in “Vegas,” which she describes as “the whole entertainment world filtered through the internet.” So I’m going to guess Brit Brit Spears…… or Beyonce.
2. “If the fuck don’t feel right, don’t fuck it – Jones 69” should really replace all the stories and words in every bible, because it’s the only thing we need to know to get through life.