A couple of months ago, Star Magazine said that Jon Hamm and Jennifer Westfeldt’s 18 year love was about as dead as the feeling in her face after she makes her plastic surgeon inject another gallon of Botox and other fillers into her mug. The source said then that Jennifer decided to break up with Jon Hamm, because his obese Hammaconda dick just wasn’t doing it for her anymore and she started talking to a 52-year-old Mexican man she met on SizeQueens.com. No, apparently Jennifer wants kids and Jon doesn’t. A couple of weeks later, that break-up rumor was killed when Jon and Jennifer were seen “canoodling” at a party.
There were also rumors about them splitting up back in April after he got out of rehab. They shat on that rumor too. But it’s really over this time, because they have pulled out a generic break-up statement from their publicist’s folder of generic statements and released it to People:
“With great sadness, we have decided to separate, after 18 years of love and shared history. We will continue to be supportive of each other in every way possible moving forward.”
What’s sort of weird is that they announced this on a holiday in the US. Maybe they did that because they’re hoping nobody will make a big deal about it and move on quickly. Or maybe they released that statement today because one of the tabloids is planning to put out an ESCANDALOSO story about their breakup and they want to get ahead of it. Maybe Jon Hamm is really on trend and they broke up because he fucked the nanny. Before you say that they don’t have kids so they obviously don’t have a nanny, let me ask you this. Who do you think bathes, feeds, burps and grooms the Hammaconda? That’s a full-time job and neither of them have the time for that shit!