There’s been an opening on Bill Cosby’s cheer squad ever since the former captain walked off court and slid her pom poms into the trash, and it looks like Damon Wayans wants to be that person to fill it.
Major Payne gave his thoughts on the gross situation with Bill Cosby during an appearance on New York’s 105.1 The Breakfast Club on Friday, and just like Homey D. Clown, Damon Wayans don’t play dat when it comes to the sexual assault allegations. Damon Wayans thinks poor Bill Cosby is being hustled by a bunch of bitter bitches who are mad that the Jell-O pudding pop in his pants has gone soft. Yes, really. He also claimed that some of the women who came forward are obviously lying because they’re, according to Damon Wayans, “unrapeable.” Coach, please come get your dad.
“If I was him, I would divorce my wife, wink wink, give her all my money, and then I would go and do a deposition. I’d light a three-hour cigar, I’d have me some wine, and maybe a Quaalude, and I would just go off, because I don’t believe he was raping. I think he was in relationships with all of them and then he’s like, ‘You know what? It’s 78. It don’t work like that no more. I can’t get it up for any of y’all. Bye, bitches’ and now they’re like, ‘Oh, really? Rape.’ Because, 40 years. Listen, how big is his penis that it give you amnesia for 40 years?”
That’s when The Breakfast Club co-host Angela Yee reminded Damon Wayans that some of Cosby’s accusers did try to come forward when it happened several decades ago. But since Damon Wayans has a massive boner for Bill Cosby, he shot back with this gem.
“Right, but if you listen to them, they go ‘The first time…’. The first time? Bitch, how many times did it happen? Just listen to what they’re saying.”
“Yeah, actually – I’d prefer it if we didn’t listen to what they were saying” texted Bill Cosby to his #1 fan. But Damon wasn’t done. Detective Damon, who clearly hasn’t read Bill Cosby’s dirty deposition from 2005 – wants you to know that he has rock-hard evidence that Bill Cosby is innocent: HIS EYES.
“And some of them, really, is unrapeable. I look at them and go ‘No, he don’t want that. Get out of here.'”
He then concluded it all by saying: “It’s a money hustle.” You can listen to Damon Wayan’s wet word shits around the 26:07 mark, if that’s a way you want to spend your Sunday.
Of course, Damon Wayans later hopped on Twitter and cried that people were twisting his words, and linked to a clip from the end of the interview where he apologized to “anyone who was raped by Bill Cosby.”
I just…what? So even though Bill Cosby himself admitted to buying Quaaludes so that the young women he wanted to have sex with were all drowsy, Damon Wayans says he’s innocent. You know the In Living Color costume department is remembering back to the DO NOT APPLY DIRECTLY TO SKIN warning on the tube of toxic glue they used to stick those tiny hats on his head and are thinking “This is totally our fault, isn’t it.“