Archives: September 2015

Gary Busey Will Dance Dance Dance On Dancing With The Stars

September 2, 2015 / Posted by:

Dancing with the WHOs? announced the cast for its 21st season this morning and yes, this wreck is still on and yes, it’ll be on forever, because there will always be has-beens, fame whores and never-wases who will gladly take a check in exchange for busting out the Viennese Waltz while wearing tons of fucking sequins. The good and surprising news is that the producers didn’t cast a Duggar or Ben Affleck’s nanny or catfisher extraordinaire Rachel Dolezal (although that mess is going to be busy making the most out of being knocked up). The bad news is that Paula Deen is in the cast. Actually, I shouldn’t say that’s “bad news,” because I’m sure she’ll win back the hearts of America when she dances the Jive to Al Jolson’s “Mammy” while her partner is done up like a giant butter stick.

The entire cast is below and I think my brain squirted out a “scratching head emoji” only five times!

Andy Grammer (Wikipedia tells me he’s a singer) is paired with Allison Holker
Alexa Vega (the little girl from Spy Kids) is paired with Mark Ballas
Bindi Irwin (Australia’s sweetheart when Queen Gina isn’t available to do her sweetheart duties)  is paired with Derek Hough
Chaka Khan is paired with Keo Motsepe
Paula Deen is paired with Louis Van Amstel
Hayes Grier (a Vine and YouTube “star“) is paired with Emma Slater
Nick Carter is with Sharna Burgess
Carlos Pena (the little girl from Spy Kids’ husband) is paired with Witney Carson
Gary Busey is paired with Anna Trebunskaya
Alek Skarlatos (the French train hero) is paired with Lindsay Arnold
Victor Espinoza (the jockey best known for riding American Pharoah who should’ve been cast instead) is paired with Karina Smirnoff
Tamar Braxton (living Muppet and Toni Braxton’s sister) is paired with Val Chermovskiy
Kim Zolciak (The WIG from Bravo) is paired with Tony Dovolani

I may have to start watching this shit again. But I’ll only watch it until Gary Busey is kicked out, which will probably be the first week since America has never understood and appreciated real organic dance talent like this:

And Gary’s partner Anna Trebunskaya better pre-book her trip to rehab now, because she’s going to need to dry out from all the booze, Valium, Xanax, morphine and Tension Tamer tea she’ll have to take to deal with his ass.

Pics:, ABC

Hot Sluts Of The Day!

September 2, 2015 / Posted by:

Magic Nursery Pets!

Look at those cracked out messes in animal costumes and diapers. Their pupils are totally dilated because of all of the bad shit they’ve done. Wrecks! That picture should be titled: Miley Cyrus’ VMAs party – The aftermath. Miley Cyrus wishes, actually.

The Magic Nursery Pets were born in…wait for it… wait for it…. the pastel universe of the foolery that was the 1980s. They stuck around until the early 90s and I’m guessing that every last one of them were bought by ravers who stored baggies of Ecstasy in them. They were a part of the Magic Nursery line of toys, which included those Magic Nursery Baby Dolls who were genderless until you pulled off their hat to see if they had a perm (a girl) or were bald (a boy).

Magic Nursery Pets also had their own surprises. Their ears were hidden and when you pulled them out, you discovered if they were a bear, bunny, pussy or puppy. MAGIC! Ghost of the Doll has a description of them:

Each pet holds lots of different surprises! Magic disappearing vest reveals a surprise “Pet-agree” card for a Bear, Bunny, Kitty or Puppy! There are more surprises in discovering the adorable ears and tail. Pets may even turn out to be part of an extra-special litter” Each pet comes with a Magic Nursery surprise T-shirt, pet ID bracelet, and matching child-size bracelet too. The heart on each sweet pet’s nose becomes a star with the warmth of a kiss! Includes a cloth diaper, bottle, and Pet Care Book with fun activities and invitations for a Pet Show!

That description tells me one thing: The Magic Nursery Pets must have been a raver’s dream toy. A raver’s Ecstasy-powered brain probably exploded into glitter and glow stick juice when their Magic Nursery Pet’s heart birth mark became a star after kissing it.

The Magic Nursery Pets are long gone, but their impact still lives today. I mean, doesn’t that swoop bang look familiar?


Justin Bieber, please give credit where credit is due!

Pics: Ghost Of The Dolls, Flickr


Birthday Sluts

September 2, 2015 / Posted by:

The Empress of Lucite (44)
Aimee Osbourne (32)
Katt Williams (44)
Cedric “K-Ci” Hailey (46)
Camille Grammer (47)
Cynthia Watros (47)
Tamra Barney (48)
Salma Hayek (49)
Tuc Watkins (49)
Lennox Lewis (50)
Keanu Reeves (51)
Linda Purl (60)
Mark Harmon (64)
Harvey Levin (65)
Robert Shapiro (73)
Mary Jo Catlett (77)

Pic: @ShaunaSandLamas


Night Crumbs

September 1, 2015 / Posted by:

The first trailer for The Danish Girl is out and it shows Eddie Redmayne as Lili Elbe, one of the first transgender women to get sex reassignment surgery. After watching the trailer, Leonardo DiCaprio called up Victoria’s Secret and placed his order for a bunch of Angels on Oscar night. Because he’s going to need to drown his sorrows in some model coochie after he loses again – Lainey Gossip 

Susan Sarandon has the sads, because her younger ping-pong mogul ex-boyfriend has gone on to gold dig an older woman – Celebitchy

So it looks like The Real Housewives of Atlanta is filling the void left by NeNe Leakes with some good old-fashioned ass whoopin’ action – Reality Tea 

Zayn Malik’s nipples are on the cover of Interview MagazineTowleroad

Also in Interview Magazine are pictures of Miley Cyrus putting her nipples on display and licking the carpet (believe it or not, that’s not a euphemism) – Drunken Stepfather

I guess Chrissy Teigen visited her coochie waxer the day of the VMAs – The Superficial 

Sarah Harding from Girls Aloud (RIP) worked that camel toe while wearing Brit Brit’s old “Oops! I Did It Again” catsuit – The Nip Slip 

I knew there was a reason (besides not wanting to do any physical activity) for why I don’t do CrossFit – Hollywood Tuna 

Canada, you must have some potent acid up there – Egotastic! 

The answer to the headline question is: Yes. – ICYDK

Josh Duggar is reportedly missing. If someone really wants to find him, I’m sure he can be found atoning for his sins on top of a hooker at the Bunny Ranch – IDLYITW

The Prostitution Whore-ah from The Real Housewives of New Jersey is engaged for the 20th time – Jezebel

Emma Stone went to Starbucks yesterday, in case you were wondering – Popoholic

Tom Cruise’s mother is supposedly missing too. Has anyone checked to see if she’s just visiting Shelly Miscavige? – Pajiba

Suddenly, I feel like I’m coming down with a fever and I need my temperature taken, anally – The Berry 

Prince Hot Ginge is a bad, bad uncle – Popsugar

And here’s the Macbeth trailer where Michael Fassbender can be seen in a kilt for about 2 seconds. He either wore underwear or he tied his peen around his thigh, because I don’t see it poking out from under his kilt – Just Jared


Courtney Stodden’s Mom Regrets Letting Her Underage Daughter Marry Tooms From The X-Files

September 1, 2015 / Posted by:

Pimp Mama Kris just lost any respect she had for Courtney Stodden’s mom Krista Keller. Krista will never be invited to the Pimp Mama’s Ball again, because pimps don’t quit and pimps really don’t regret turning their moneymakers out.

The only reason why the Porn Iguana is sort of famous is because she married Doug Hutchison when she was 16 and he was 51. Krista signed off on the marriage, became Courtney’s pimp and moved to Hollywood where she milked her daughter’s marriage for as much attention as possible. But the pimping came to an end last May when Krista “resigned” as her daughter’s manager. Krista supposedly didn’t like that Courtney did porn. Now Krista is saying that maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to let her daughter marry Doug.

In honor of the Porn Iguana’s 21st birthday, Krista ran her mouth over to Radar where she said that she and her daughter aren’t speaking and “external influences” are keeping them apart.

“Courtney is turning 21 and this will be the first time in my life that I have not been with my daughter on her birthday. Things are still very icy between us and I have not talked to her since she and I went our separate ways. I believe there are external influences without any names being said. I do not believe mothers and daughters should be separated.”

I disagree with her about that “mothers and daughters shouldn’t be separated” part. Courtney probably should’ve been separated from her mother at birth.

You know how Krista said she wasn’t going to name names? Well, she named names. Specifically, Doug’s name.

“I think that if a husband can see that there are problems between his wife and her mother I believe he should stay out of the situation. There are some really horrible things that he has done to me since she and I have not been speaking that will be very hard to ever forget about.

I do take full responsibility, however because I am the one that did sign the paper for her to marry this man. If I had to do it all over again I cannot tell you if I would be signing that paper.”

I can see why Krista has regrets. If she would’ve waited, she may have been able to sell her daughter to a richer man and then she wouldn’t have to pay her rent by talking to Radar. Rookie mistake.

Janet Jackson Is Back (And She Brought Some Extra Saggy Pampers Pants With Her)

September 1, 2015 / Posted by:

Janet Jackson’s 36-date comeback world tour started in Vancouver, Canada last night and she wore those Hammer pants the entire night. Damita NOOOOOOOOOOO!

The “Unbreakable World Tour” is Janet’s first tour in 4 years. Between then and now, she’s reportedly been living in the Middle East with her hot billionaire husbandThe New York Times reviewed Janet’s first night and they say that she opened with a new song she did with Missy Elliott and spent the rest of the night delivering her hits. She performed a couple of other new songs including “No Sleep,” the first single from her new album. Janet kept it simple. While other pop stars bring out every goddamn celebrity on the planet and shoot themselves out of cannons and shit, Janet wore one outfit and didn’t have any set changes.

Janet paid tribute to Michael Jackson by performing “Scream,” and that makes sense, but I scanned several articles about her show and not one of them mentioned her paying homage to La Toya Jackson. Janet didn’t do any covers of La Toya’s gigantic hits like “Heart Don’t Lie,” “Bad Girl” and “Camp Kuchi Kaiai.” Janet also didn’t end the show by saying, “None of this would’ve been possible without the most talented and beautiful Jackson, La Toya!” That just doesn’t make sense.

Here’s a montage of Janet’s show and it’s worth watching even though there’s no traces of La Toya in it.

Janet should’ve at least let La Toya pick out her outfit, because Toy Toy would’ve never let her wear some pants that make her look like Donald Duck from the waist down.

Pics:, Splash


Open Post: Hosted By Kermit The Frog’s New Piece

September 1, 2015 / Posted by:

Miss Piggy and Kermit the Frog announced early last month that they were done with each other after nearly 40 years together and I thought it was some shameless stunt to promote their new show on ABC. It may very well still be a shameless stunt, but if it is, they’re milking it all the way by introducing Kermit the Frog’s new piece Denise! (I love that her name is Denise.) I guess Kermit is a 100% porkosexual, because he just can’t get enough of pig.

No, Kermit and Denise didn’t meet on Ashley Madison. They met at ABC (so they claim). Denise is the head of ABC’s marketing department, so it’s not exactly a coincidence that ABC released pictures of that barn wrecking gold digging tramp swine. A source (Denise) also told People that Kermit’s got it bad for Denise.

Kermit, who is still working with Miss Piggy on her late-night talk show Up Late with Miss Piggy – a situation that is being documented on the upcoming ABC series The Muppets – has been spotted around town numerous times with a head of marketing at ABC named Denise, a source tells PEOPLE exclusively.

“She’s always stopping by the set of Up Late,” the source says of Denise. “He calls her his girlfriend,” adds the source.

Meanwhile, Miss Piggy is drying her sad tears on Liam Hemsworth. Does that mean that Liam is a Plushie, is into bestiality or a little of both?

I really don’t know if I should be on Team Miss Piggy or Team Denise.

Miss Piggy is a legend, an icon of glamour and yes, she flirts with other tricks, but she’s always been ride or die for Kermit. On the other hoof, she’s a sloppy drunk, a bossy bitch and is always issuing a karate chop on Kermie. Then there’s Denise. Denise has an A++ eyebrow situation, is already an accomplished home wrecker and she looks like the scheming type who will “leak” dick pics once Kermit drops her. But on the other hoof, her snout job is a mess, she’ll probably become friends with the Kartrashians, she’s definitely trying to get a reality show out of it and you know she’s got THOT (that hog over there) tattooed on her felt ass cheek. I bet it’s only a matter of time before we see her batting her scheming eyes for the paps as she works the ho stroll while struttin’ to the brand new Lexus convertible that Kermit bought her.

And if Denise is really going to play the game, she needs to elevate her fashion and stop buying her shit from Dress Barn.



Lena Dunham Doesn’t Like Justin Bieber’s New Song

September 1, 2015 / Posted by:

Some people don’t like Justin Bieber’s new song, because it’s sung by Justin Bieber, but Lena Dunham doesn’t like it for a different reason. Lena Dunham thinks that some of the lyrics in the Biebs’ “What Do You Mean?” promote rape culture. Before I agree or disagree with Lena, I need to check the law to see if it states that promoting rape culture in a pop song will result in lifetime imprisonment.

In the Biebs’ new song, he yodels out the lyrics,  “What do you mean? / When you nod your head yes / But you wanna say no / What do you mean?” The Internet ran their magnifying glasses over the stupid lyrics of a Justin Bieber song and some think that he’s Robin Thicke Jr. The Biebs recently explained the meaning of his extremely deep song to the evil mastermind frog Ryan Seacrest: 

“Well, girls are often just flip-floppy … They say something and they mean something else. So … what do you mean? I don’t really know, that’s why I’m asking.”

I listened to “What Do You Mean?” a few times (for research purposes only, okay?) and I didn’t get a “Blurred Lines” vibe from it at all. But the Little Critter of Brooklyn did and she let it be known that she doesn’t like it. Lena never called out the Biebs by name, but you don’t have to ask her “Who do you mean?” to know who the hell she’s talking about.

Lena also played coy on Instagram.

Of course, Lena opened up a can of rage and the Beliebers are pounding their keyboards to death while going after her on Twitter. I scanned her mentions and a huge chunk of Beliebers told Lena to shut her mouth and mentioned what she wrote about her sister in her book.

Damn everybody involved in this. If the Biebs never shat up that song, Lena Dunham would’ve never tweeted that tweet. If Lena Dunham never tweeted that tweet, I wouldn’t have had to kind-of-sort-of defended Justin Bieber. Damn them all!



Paris Hilton Hosted A Foam Party For Kids In Ibiza

September 1, 2015 / Posted by:

That baby on the right is obviously thinking, “I am way too sober for this,” and those are my thoughts exactly.

“Paris Hilton Hosted A Foam Party For Kids In Ibiza” are 10 words that when put together in one sentence makes your brain burp up one thought: WUT? DJ Wonky McValtrex is currently pressing the play button on her iPod while doing a summer residency at Club Amnesia in Ibiza and on Saturday afternoon, she hosted a party for a bunch children.

Before you look for the number to Child Protective Services in Ibiza, TMZ says that DJ Wonky’s rave for kids was also a charity benefit to raise money for children with disabilities. $100,000 was raised. So that means we can take away St. Angie Jolie’s title as this generation’s Patron Saint of Children and give it to Paris. Because has St. Angie ever raised a hundred thousands dollars by throwing a foam party in Ibiza for a bunch of kids?

It’s stories like this that remind me that nothing is stranger than real-life. I don’t think there’s a drunk strong enough to cause me to hallucinate the image of a charitable Paris Hilton dancing in front of an audience of glow stick-waving children at a club in Ibiza.

Pics: Instagram, TMZ


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