Archives: September 2015

Paris Hilton Hosted A Foam Party For Kids In Ibiza

September 1, 2015 / Posted by:

That baby on the right is obviously thinking, “I am way too sober for this,” and those are my thoughts exactly.

“Paris Hilton Hosted A Foam Party For Kids In Ibiza” are 10 words that when put together in one sentence makes your brain burp up one thought: WUT? DJ Wonky McValtrex is currently pressing the play button on her iPod while doing a summer residency at Club Amnesia in Ibiza and on Saturday afternoon, she hosted a party for a bunch children.

Before you look for the number to Child Protective Services in Ibiza, TMZ says that DJ Wonky’s rave for kids was also a charity benefit to raise money for children with disabilities. $100,000 was raised. So that means we can take away St. Angie Jolie’s title as this generation’s Patron Saint of Children and give it to Paris. Because has St. Angie ever raised a hundred thousands dollars by throwing a foam party in Ibiza for a bunch of kids?

It’s stories like this that remind me that nothing is stranger than real-life. I don’t think there’s a drunk strong enough to cause me to hallucinate the image of a charitable Paris Hilton dancing in front of an audience of glow stick-waving children at a club in Ibiza.

Pics: Instagram, TMZ

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Ariana Grande Latte And Miley Cyrus Can’t Sit With Taylor Swift And Her Girl Squad

September 1, 2015 / Posted by:

Miley Cyrus recently said that she doesn’t want to be in a “squad,” because she likes to surround herself with non-famous rill people who are rilly rilly rill and keep it 100% rill at all times. Well, if America’s foremost journal of truthiness known as Radar is spitting up the facts, then the feeling is mutual and cult leader Taylor Swift doesn’t want Miley in her sisterhood.

Idris Elba Is “Too Street” To Play James Bond, So Says The Author Of The Latest Bond Novel

September 1, 2015 / Posted by:

Panty Creamer Hall of Famer Idris Elba has long been talked about as the one who should replace Daniel Craig as James Bond and he has said before that he’s into it and even Sony’s ex-co chairman Amy Pascal is for it. But one trick who is totally not into it is the author of a James Bond novel whose name isn’t Ian Fleming. Anthony Horowitz, the author of the newest Bond book Trigger Mortis (I both love and hate that title), tells The Daily Mail that Idris Elba is “too street” to play James Bond. According to him, “too street” isn’t code for “too black.” Anthony can name other black actors who should play Bond (Adrian Lester is one, he says), but Idris isn’t one of them.

“Idris Elba is a terrific actor, but I can think of other black actors who would do it better. For me, Idris Elba is a bit too rough to play the part. It’s not a colour issue. I think he is probably a bit too ‘street’ for Bond. Is it a question of being suave? Yeah.”

Anthony also thinks Skyfall is the worst Bond movie ever, he didn’t like Quantum of Solice and he thinks Ian Fleming’s Bond novels are “too slow.” If his ass also said that Denise Richards is the worst Bond girl of all-time, I’d really raise a pitchfork at him!

But Anthony does think Daniel Craig is a great James Bond. Okay, so if Idris is “too street,” then what in the hell is Daniel Craig? Daniel Craig is way more street than Idris Elba. One of the reasons I like Daniel Craig as Bond is that he’s both suave and rougher than Miley Cyrus’ voice. Dude looks like he’s been shanked in the face several times during bar fights, stole all of the suits he wears and will directly spit on your genitals if there isn’t any lube around. That’s one way I like my Bond.

And Idris Elba never struck me as street at all. He looks like he came out of his mom’s vagina while wearing a tuxedo.

Pic: Wenn.com

Hot Slut Of The Day!

September 1, 2015 / Posted by:

Eric, the asshole bird from Australia who doesn’t mince words when fighting with a dog.

Screw that manufactured beef between Nicki Minaj and Miley Cyrus. This is the kind of beef the Internet wants, needs and deserves.

Cats just got themselves an unlikely ally in their never-ending war against dogs. Over in Australia lives Eric, a dirty bird with a mouth like a Dlisted commenter. As his human Sharon Curle recorded on her phone, Eric got into a little tussle with the family dog and it seems like his troublemaking ass started it. Eric’s human tells him to calm down, stop spitting and let the dog live its life. Eric doesn’t listen and when the dog fights back, he shoots out a cunt bomb from his beak. Oh Eric, if there was a Dlisted School of Language Arts, you’d be our valedictorian.

The Internet has lied to us and played with our emotions too many times, so there’s a part of me that thinks some ventriloquism shit is going down and a human is saying those words. But if it’s true, then Eric needs to be on a reality TV show now. I don’t know if he lives anywhere near Melbourne, but he should be on Real Housewives of Melbourne. He spits at tricks, calls them “cunts” and he works a smoky eye better than all of the birds on that show. He’s perfect!

via Facebook (For Joanne and Laura)

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Birthday Sluts

September 1, 2015 / Posted by:

Scott Speedman (40)
Zendaya Coleman (19)
Bill Kaulitz (26)
Tom Kaulitz (26)
Chanel West Coast (27)
Babydaddy of the Scissor Sisters (39)
J.D. Fortune (42)
Ricardo Chavira (44)
Rachel Zoe (44)
Padma Lakshmi (45)
Gloria Estefan (58)
Dr. Phil (65)
Barry Gibb (69)
Lily Tomlin (76)

Pic: Jane/Glamour

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