Hulk Hogan was dropped by the WWE and they erased all traces of his orange gristle image from their website after The National Enquirer and Radar published some racist crap he spewed out of his mouth in a sex tape. Hulk is suing Gawker Media for $100 million because they posted screen shots and heave-inducing details of a fuck tape that was shot without him knowing it. The transcripts of him mouth shitting up racist slurs while talking about Brooke Hogan dating a black guy were sealed by the court and nobody knows how The National Enquirer magically got a hold of them. Once the transcripts were published, his charbroiled empire started to crumble and now he’s trying to save his career by begging for forgiveness.
The latest stop on Hulk Hogan’s “I’m Sorry” tour was Good Morning America. Hulk Hogan didn’t even come close to delivering the kind of MELODRAMA that Paula Deen delivered during her Daytime Emmy-worthy performance on the Today show. But Hulk did try to make people feel sorry for him by saying that he grew up in a “rough” Florida neighborhood where everybody used the slur “nigger.” Hulk said in the leaked transcript that everyone’s a little racist, but during his interview with GMA, he said the opposite.
“I’m not a racist but I never should have said what I said. It was wrong. I’m embarrassed by it. People need to realize that you inherit things from your environment. And where I grew up was south Tampa, Port Tampa, and it was a really rough neighborhood, very low income. And all my friends, we greeted each other saying that word.
The … the environment I grew up in in south Tampa and all my white friends, all my black friends, to hear the word on a daily basis when they’d greet me in the morning, that’s what they’d say to me, ‘Good morning,’ so-and-so,” he said. “I think that was part of the culture and the environment I grew up in and I think that’s fair to say.”
Hulk kept trying to tug at people’s sensitivity strings (Note: Joke’s on him, because I don’t have one!) and claimed that he considered offing himself after the WWE fired him.
“Everything I’ve done my whole career, my whole life, was like it never happened, like I never existed. It was devastating.”
But Hulk is now glad that the WWE dropped him and he considers it the greatest day of his life, because he hopes it will bring on change and everyone will stop using that word. The Hulkster is changed and is on a crusade to body slam racism!
“So this can become the greatest day in my life if people understand there can’t be double standards. And you just can’t use the word. Let’s take it out of the dictionary. Let’s not use it in rap songs or movies. I mean, if it’s unacceptable, it’s unacceptable.”
Hulk has forgiven himself, but now he wants all of his fans to forgive him.
“Oh, my gosh. Please forgive me. Please forgive me. I think if you look at the whole picture of who Hulk Hogan is, you can see over all the years that there’s not a racist bone in my body. I’m a nice guy. It’s not, you know, not the Hulk Hogan that rips a shirt off and bang, bang, bang, slams giants, you know? I’m Terry Bollea.”
It seems like Hulk is really trying to get the WWE to take him back, but this is not the way he should go about it. Nothing he said in that interview helped him. Hulk should’ve simply said that he’s losing money and if he continues to lose money, he’ll have to pay his peroxide and suntanning bills by doing brightly lit hardcore porn. Do we, as a people, really want brightly lit HD clips out there of Hulk’s waxed and deep fried muscle buns bouncing up and down as he grunts and does some trick? That’s all he has to say and WWE will take him back as soon the 1 billionth person signs the petition titled, “Dear WWE, Take Hulk Hogan Back Before He Starts Doing Porn.”