“I call this next one The Limber Ashtray. Hey, off topic, but do you mind if I crash here for the next couple of months? I’m sorta in between yachts.”
This freckled trick truly won the Powerball lottery of life. While the rest of us were waking up with discount red wine gut bloat on a questionably-stained IKEA mattress (just me? okay), Lindsay Lohan chased her messy naked Italian wedding rampage with waking up on some rich asshole’s fancy yacht in St. Tropez. I know. It’s like, who needs a job and responsibilities when you can do yoga poses on the deck of a yacht in your (probably stolen) underpants?
Lindsay has been Instagramming pics of herself on some yacht – which will no doubt be christened the S. S. Steam Clean This Boat ASAP once she’s done with it – all weekend. She also posted a truly WTF video of herself doing some kind of skanky poop deck strip club dance. But she quickly yanked it down, because apparently Lindsay Lohan does have one last brain cell competent enough to put a hand on her shoulder and whisper “Girl, no.” Thankfully, TMZ and the rest of the internet saved a copy. Warning: The following makes Showgirls look like Swan Lake.
Oh boy. I am not entirely sure what I just saw. It was either Lindsay Lohan’s audition tape for her next yacht stay, or Samara from The Ring‘s slutty older sister filming her own scary tape. I’ll know for sure if I receive a collect call from St. Tropez and the voice on the other end croaks “In seven days…you should go get tested at your local free clinic.”