Oh How I Wish That Jake Gyllenhaal And Susan Sarandon Were Really A Thing

August 21, 2015 / Posted by:

When I first saw this picture from earlier this month of Susan Sarandon gazing at the field of man fur on Jake Gyllenhaal’s face, I just knew that some tabloid’s summer internet would eventually dry fart out a story about how these two are rubbing crotches. The National Enquirer came through and didn’t disappoint!

34-year-old Jake and 68-year-old Susan were both at the premiere of Hamilton on Broadway on August 6th and some witness type claims they were “snuggling” while taking pictures. One of the pictures of them getting into a so-called snuggling situation is above. Another source says that Jake and Susan, who were in that Moonlight Mile movie together, are keeping it casual and are just “hooking up.” Susan broke up with that ping-pong mogul a few months ago.

If there’s a tiny sliver of truth to this, every aspiring beard in Hollywood is going to shake herself crazy with fear. Because the minute Susan Sarandon steps into the beard game is the minute that the beard game belongs to her. And Susan could definitely teach Jakey a few things.

But of course…

Those fun killers at Gossip Cop had to shit on this totally real rumor.

Regardless, our impeccable source exclusively tells Gossip Cop the tabloid’s latest story is “not true,” and Gyllenhaal is not hooking up with Sarandon.

Shut your holes, Gossip Cop! Nobody asked you. Just let me sit here and patiently wait for completely natural paparazzi pictures of Jake and Susan gleefully strolling down the street together.

And here’s Jake looking like a hot constipated lumberjack business man at a Hollywood Foreign Press Association event last week.

Pics: Getty, Wenn.com

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