I know, that can’t be Jennifer Aniston’s actual wedding band. I’m convinced her actual wedding band has the words “Final Sign Of The Apocalypse” written on it in tiny diamonds. That must be a stunt ring.
Jennifer Aniston, the last single bitch alive to get married, made her BIG PUBLIC DEBUT as a married woman at the L.A. premiere of some movie I’m not going to pay to see but will watch in a few months on Netflix when I’m drunk, stoned and emotional. While Jennifer’s engagement ring is so damn huge that it has to be put on her finger using a low-flying helicopter, half-a-dozen Strongman competition finalists and four cranes, her wedding band is pretty damn boring and looks like something your modest auntie would pick out for herself at Kay Jewelers.
As for the wedding, that’s probably the only thing hos asked her about last night, but Jennifer kept her lips shut about it. She told Entertainment Tonight that she wants to keep it private. The HELL?
“We had the beautiful luxury of having a beautiful private moment and I’m going to be selfish and keep it that way! I’m not telling you about any of that stuff!”
So, Jennifer Aniston gets married and at her first public event, she doesn’t rip open a trench coat, revealing a jumpsuit made of 500 pictures from her wedding and she doesn’t pull out a tablet showing video of the ceremony as dancers wearing replicas of her dress sing her vows while doing a kick line? Something in the milk ain’t clean. But you know, I’m going to use it. The next time one of my Facebook friends gets married and posts a million pictures from her wedding including pictures of her toe nail polish and the ugly food that was served, I’m going to tell her that if Jennifer Aniston can show some restraint, so can she!