Megan Fox And Brian Austin Green Are Over

Damn, that body language! If those two could be any farther apart, they’d need a fish eye lens to shoot them.

So it looks like the Summer of the Split has claimed another set of victims. UsWeekly is saying that Megan Fox has thrown her five year marriage to Brian Austin Green in the “Do not want” pile alongside her old face and that Marilyn Monroe tattoo. An “insider” (that gossipy bitch Donatello, no doubt) tells UsWeekly that Megan walked away from David Silver six months ago and they’re officially separated. Megan and Brian have been a thing for 11 years and share two kids together, 2-year-old Noah and 18-month-old Bodhi.

UsWeekly says they’re still not sure why Megan and BAG are calling it quits, but that sources have told them that shit has “been rocky.” I think that’s code for Megan scrolling through her husband’s cellphone and finding Facebook friend requests from that clingy clinger Donna Martin. Or maybe those blind items were right, and he was slipping his trouser BAG (I don’t know what that means either) to random side-pieces.

But one thing is for sure: now that Megan is semi-single again, there’s a very good chance the first suitor to come a-callin’ will be Shia LaBeouf. If I were Megan, I’d start warning my neighbors now to invest in a good set of earplugs, because it’s only a matter of time before they’re woken up at 3am by the sound of Shia holding an on-fire boombox over his head and screaming “JUST DO IT!!!! JUST DATE ME AGAIN!!!!”

Pic: Splash