Jennifer Hudson Will Probably Play Aretha Franklin In A Biopic About Aretha Franklin

August 18, 2015 / Posted by:

That soft thud you just heard was the sound of Beyonce angrily whipping her Etta James wig across the room.

According to The Wrap, Jennifer Hudson should start doing so neck exercises, because there’s a very good chance she’ll be balancing a giant gray bow hat on it very soon. Academy Award-winner (there goes that wig again) Jennifer Hudson is currently in talks to play Queen of Soul and Empress of Shade Aretha Franklin in an upcoming biopic. Back in the day, Aretha thought Halle Berry should play her, but it sounds like that’s not happening. The biopic, which is currently called The Untitled Aretha Franklin Project, has been in development for a couple of years now and will focus on Aretha’s rise to fame in the ’60s and ’70, and her relationship with her abusive ex-husband Ted White.

So far, nothing has been confirmed, but JHud’s rep isn’t exactly denying that she’s been talking to people from The Untitled Aretha Franklin Project. And considering I don’t remember Aretha releasing any “Great gowns, beautiful gowns” clouds of stank about JHud, I’m going to assume it’s probably a sure thing.

Jennifer Hudson has done Aretha before and done her well, and she sort of looks like Aretha if you squint, but she is lacking in one major area: Aretha’s Tempur-Pedic memory foam titties. If Jennifer is fully committed to a convincing portrayal of Aretha, she’s going to have to go back to Weight Watchers and ask them for all her weight back. Then she’s going to have to go to a surgeon that specializes in weight relocation and have it all stuffed up into her chest. But if she doesn’t want to go under the knife, I’m sure she could always shove two balloons up her shirt, throw some tracking dots around her nipples, and ask the CGI people to add them in later.

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