The Dildo Decorator Of Portland Is July’s Hot Slut Of The Month!

August 10, 2015 / Posted by:

Since July was the month of dicks (see: Donald Trump’s face being everywhere) and August is also turning out to be the month of dicks (see: Lenny Kravitz), it’s no surprise that the dildo artiste/decorator who gifted the skies of Portland with rubber peens won all the votes. The Dildo Decorator of Portland got 35% of the votes, which won them the title of Miss Hot Slut of July. They will go on to the Hot Slut of the Year finals next year. The Maxi Pad Queen of Mexico, Patricia Navidad, came in second with 27% followed by Ladybaby with 20% and those crazy ass Dentist Hunters with 18%.

The Dildo Decorator of Portland did an interview with Vice last month and she wouldn’t identify herself, but said that she’s not done. She feels like tossing dildos is happiness and the world definitely needs more happiness.

“It had to be done. I have no idea why, but it had to. Dick-tossing is an exercise in happiness. It was just a fun, hilarious thing to do.”

It did have to be done! The Portland Police Department reports that ever since the fuck toys have been decorating the powers lines, crime has dropped by 50%, because everybody is too busy trying to catch those dildos with their mouths to commit crimes. (That statistic is a lie, but I wish it was true.)

Anyway, thanks to all who voted. And if you have a HSOTD idea you don’t think has been done, send it to me here. Dick pics are also welcome, but only hard ones. No softies!

Pic: @mashable

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