If you pulled your hungover self out of a puddle of booze-infused slobber and tears this morning, then your name is probably Dina Lohan and it’s just another weekday. Or you watched the entertaining circus of beautiful fuckery that was the Republican Presidential Debate last night. It was the weirdest and most confusing circle jerk I’ve ever seen.
The night started off with a bang when ranting merkin Donald Trump declared that he maaaay run independent, and then he blew another wet, slobbery air kiss at his longtime soulmate Rosie O’Donnell. One of the debate’s moderators, Megyn Kelly, brought up Jabba the Trump’s history of calling women he hates “fat pigs,” “dogs,” “slobs,” and “disgusting animals,” and he stopped her by saying, “Only Rosie O’Donnell.” And just like that, open mic night had officially started!
As the crowd ate that shit up, the corroded veins of my dead heart warmed, because it’s nice seeing that the love between Trump and Rosie O’Donnell is still alive after all these years.
But of course, Trump wouldn’t be Trump if he stopped there. The rejected Dick Tracy villain let Megyn Kelly know that he doesn’t like how she’s treated him before and he could open the library on her ass and read her from cover to cover, but he’s not going to do that. I expected him to look Megyn up and down and say, “Check your weave before you come and talk to me, bitch!”
The Juliet to Donald’s Romeo, Rosie O’Donnell, responded to what Trump said by tweeting: “try explaining that 2 ur kids.” I don’t know if she was talking about the shit Trump said about her or the shit on his head.
Trump continued to finger bang his own b-hole this morning by saying that his Rosie line won the night and he won the whole debate. Trump has left Rosie alone FOR NOW, but he continued to talk shit about Megyn Kelly on Twitter:
Wow, @megynkelly really bombed tonight. People are going wild on twitter! Funny to watch.
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) August 7, 2015
And by “people,” I think he means the people he paid to talk shit about Megyn Kelly on Twitter.
But enough about Trump, here’s the First Lady of Gold Digging Trophy Wives, Melania Trump, giving you Peaches and Cream business woman glamour while arriving in Cleveland for the debate.
Pics: Getty, Splash