Seen above sending Ben Affleck a text threatening to release a Hi-Res, brightly lit picture of his dick if he doesn’t play nice with her (wishful thinking), the nanny Christine Ouzounian is currently living the opulent kept bitch life at the Hotel Bel-Air.
I’ve written about Christine the Nanny way too many times and even I couldn’t ID her if she was the only one in the room and was wearing a stick-on name tag that read, “Hello My Name Is… Christine the Nanny.” But somehow, “guests” at the Hotel Bel-Air keep recognizing her and have taken sneaky pictures of her in a bikini by the pool. Christine in a bikini popped up in Star Magazine and now she’s in this week’s InTouch Weekly.
Sources tell InTouch and People that Christine is hiding out in the Hotel Bel-Air, the same hotel where she allegedly took a spin on Ben Affleck’s batdick. Ben is supposedly covering Christine’s hotel tab and has given her enough money to live in “hiding” for the next three months. There’s been rumors that Ben dumped her after he found out that she called the paparazzi on them, but InTouch’s source says he hasn’t. The source says that Ben is getting on her good side by keeping her slathered in luxury.
“Christine is living the high life holed up in a swanky suite and Ben is paying for all of it — even for her girlfriends, who have been staying with her. Ben has given her enough money to cover all her bills and expenses, plus spending money, for at least the next three months. She doesn’t have to worry about a thing.
Ben’s leading her on so that she stays quiet. He knows he needs to keep her happy or the whole thing could turn ugly really fast. She doesn’t feel burned by Ben — not yet, anyway.”
Christine is eating it up for now, but has allegedly told friends that if Ben quits her ass, she will throw a wrongful termination lawsuit at Jennifer Garner. Good luck with that. In possibly related news, Gloria Allred was spotted pulling up to the Hotel Bel-Air.
But Ben Affleck’s team, I mean anonymous sources, continue to tell People that he has never been with the nanny and he isn’t with her now. Ben is just friendly and sometimes people take that as him being flirty. Some people greet their nanny with a handshake while Ben might’ve greeted his nanny by shaking her coochie with his dick. It’s just him being extra friendly, okay! Some people say goodbye to their nanny with a hug while Ben might’ve said goodbye to his nanny by giving her the shocker. Again, extra friendly! The source says that a side piece wasn’t the reason why Ben and Jen ended it. It was all Jen’s fault. She just kept poking and nagging him.
“When you are made to feel like an inadequate husband over and over again. Your friends are going to say maybe this isn’t working out.”
Kevin Smith, is that you?!
Oh yes, the “nitpicking, nagging bitch of a wife drives the poor husband into the arms of a younger, sweeter piece” storyline. It’s been said a zillion times before, but this really is a bizarro world Gone Girl. If Jennifer Garner disappears, Neil Patrick Harris should move to a safe house.
If Ben is trying to keep Christine the Nanny quiet, it’s really, really not working. Ben should think about dropping a mountain of “go away and shush” money on her before she holds a press conference where she’ll collapse halfway through, grab her belly and say, “I hope the baby is okay.”
Here’s a couple more pictures of Christine the Nanny “hiding out” at the Hotel Bel-Air.