Oh, The Nanny Is Good

August 5, 2015 / Posted by:

Christine Ouzounian, the nanny who probably boned Ben Affleck even though he denies it, should set up a class for nannies who want to turn their full-time childcare job into a career in fame whoring, because bitch knows how to hustle and keep her name in the tabloids.

It’s only been a week since the story about Ben doing the nanny came out and Christine has already worked it in a ho stroll photo shoot and starred in a grainy bikini spread that was supposedly taken by a sneaky hotel guest with an iPhone. And now, Radar has posted paparazzi pictures of Christine and Ben that were taken at his rental house in L.A. on July 17th, 16 days after Jennifer Garner fired her. Entertainment Tonight says that these are the pictures that were taken after Christine tipped off the paparazzi. Ben reportedly dumped her ass shortly after.

A “source” tells ET that earlier in the day, Christine was seen driving Ben’s Lexus while running errands. When Christine pulled up to Ben’s house, he came out and handed her a pink box. Christine stayed for 2 hours and during those 2 hours, she may or may not have given him her pink box. The pictures are here and they’re worth looking at for the facial expressions alone. Ben is beaming. He looks about as happy as a 14-year-old whose parents have left the house just minutes after he discovered what PornHub is. If you don’t want to look at the pictures, the only thing you really need to know is Ben’s face looks like this in them:


Ben is serving up “excited velociraptor” face.

As for the nanny, her face is facing the pap’s camera and it looks like she’s thinking to herself, “Those motherfucker paps better be standing on the x I marked for them with bright green duct tape, because these pictures are the receipts I need.”

Meanwhile over at Team Jen, People’s cover story this week is all about how she did the endless wall slide of heartbreak after finding out that Ben passed his peen to the nanny. People made sure to sprinkle Ben’s denial into their story.

As she copes with the painful split – “to Jen, Ben has reached a new low,” says Garner’s friend – the actress is getting support from her friends and family and remains focused on their three kids, Violet, 9, Seraphina, 6, and Samuel, 3, who are in Atlanta with her while she films Miracles from Heaven. “It’s obvious that she’s having a terrible week, but it hasn’t affected filming,” a set source told PEOPLE after news broke of the alleged affair, adding that Garner was offered a few days off but refused.

“This is not anything she wanted as an outcome for her family or her marriage,” says a friend of the actress. “But everyone is rallying around her.”

This is really turning out to be the sequel to Gone Girl (sans the bloody stuff) and I really need David Fincher’s commentary about this in my life.

Pics: SW, Splash

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