Okay, Now We Can Say That True Love Is Really, Really Dead

August 4, 2015 / Posted by:

Melodramatic bitches called in a priest to read True Love its last rites when Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck announced their divorce. Please, True Love didn’t even take an aspirin or go on WebMD after hearing that break-up news. Other melodramatic bitches said that they saw True Love lying dead on the side of the road when Miranda Lambert and Blake Shelton divorced. Meanwhile, True Love didn’t even go to urgent care over that news. True Love did call in sick when Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale announced they’re done, but it felt better while laughing over those STUNT QUEENS Miss Piggy and Kermit the Frog pulling an obvious fake break-up to promote their new show. Well, that was True Love’s last laugh, because now it really is in a coffin buried six feet under. It died after that pretty one who used to be in One Direction and that Perrier girl broke up. RIP (for real) True Love!

People says that Zayn Malik and Perrie Edwards of the group Little Mix are over and they’re not getting married anymore. They got engaged in August 2013. Zayn dumped her and now Perrier is a carbonated puddle of sads.

Malik, 22, contacted Edwards, also 22, two weeks ago and said it was over.

“She’s been putting on a brave face, as Little Mix have had promotion to do, but she’s obviously devastated,” the source tells PEOPLE

When Zayn quit the easy money train called One Direction, he said that he just wants to live like a normal 22-year-old and spend time with his family and fiancee. Zayn dumped his fiancee and signed a new record deal, so he obviously meant every word he said.

Well, I hope Zayn is happy now, because True Love is forever dead and it will never rise again…. unless Alexander Skarsgard and Michael Fassbender fall in love, get married and leak an HD sex tape. (They’re our only hope.)

Here’s the remaining members of One Erection on Good Morning America today.

Pics: Instagram, Wenn.com

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