Archives: August 2015

Birthday Sluts

August 5, 2015 / Posted by:

Jocelyn Wildenstein (75)
Dawn Richard (32)
Vanessa Simmons (32)
Lolo Jones (33)
Juan Pablo Galavis (34)
Jesse Williams (34)
Terri Clark (47)
Funkmaster Flex (48)
Jonathan Silverman (49)
Elvis Duran (51)
Mark Strong (52)
Patrick Ewing (53)
Janet McTeer (54)
Tawny Kitaen (54)
Pete Burns (56)
Pat Smear (56)
Maureen McCormick (59)
Louis Walsh (63)
Erika Slezak (69)
Loni Anderson (70)

Pics: Splash

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Night Crumbs

August 4, 2015 / Posted by:

Star Magazine bought blurry bikini pictures of Ben Affleck’s former nanny/maybe former piece from someone who also claims that they heard her say, “He broke up with me…He told me he loved me, but he can’t be with me under these circumstances.'”  If Ben has a bunny, he better put that animal in a safe house, because it sounds like the nanny is thisclose to saying, “I’m not going to be ignored, Ben!” – Lainey Gossip 

RiRi’s Kadooment Day butt moves are hypnotizing – The Superficial 

Why couldn’t I have been born a thirsty Brazilian socialite? – Celebitchy

Ladies of London is back (sans Caprice and the gold digging one whose fiancé committed suicide) – Reality Tea 

W Magazine showed a totally different side of Miley Cyrus and of course I mean the opposite of that – Drunken Stepfather

Kevin Bacon has started a cause I can really get behind, on top of, in front of, etc…. – Towleroad

This video of Olivia Munn kicking ass wasn’t sped up at all – Hollywood Tuna 

French/Russian rose Nadeea Volianova is doing her part to save the lions by getting naked in a bootleg PETA photo shoot – IDLYITW

Idris Elba is the first man on the cover of Maxim and he’d look a lot hotter if he wasn’t wearing that 1960s grandma coat – Jezebel

Rumer Willis busted her foot – Popoholic

Oh, it’s just a pug walking like a person in a pool – The Berry

Ellen Page’s girlfriend is wearing the exact same outfit I wore on the last day of the 3rd grade – Popsugar

Iggy Azalea admits the obvious – HuffPo

Cool Kristen Stewart is really cool, so claims really cool Kristen Stewart – ICYDK

Lindsay Lohan took a topless selfie, but I only see one tit. Did the other one bust out of there because it wanted nothing to do with that desperate scene? – SOW

A Cecil the Lion Beanie Baby exists, because why wouldn’t it? – OMG Blog

Jonathan Rhys Meyers is looking better – Just Jared

Pic: FameFlynet

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Okay, Now We Can Say That True Love Is Really, Really Dead

August 4, 2015 / Posted by:

Melodramatic bitches called in a priest to read True Love its last rites when Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck announced their divorce. Please, True Love didn’t even take an aspirin or go on WebMD after hearing that break-up news. Other melodramatic bitches said that they saw True Love lying dead on the side of the road when Miranda Lambert and Blake Shelton divorced. Meanwhile, True Love didn’t even go to urgent care over that news. True Love did call in sick when Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale announced they’re done, but it felt better while laughing over those STUNT QUEENS Miss Piggy and Kermit the Frog pulling an obvious fake break-up to promote their new show. Well, that was True Love’s last laugh, because now it really is in a coffin buried six feet under. It died after that pretty one who used to be in One Direction and that Perrier girl broke up. RIP (for real) True Love!

People says that Zayn Malik and Perrie Edwards of the group Little Mix are over and they’re not getting married anymore. They got engaged in August 2013. Zayn dumped her and now Perrier is a carbonated puddle of sads.

Malik, 22, contacted Edwards, also 22, two weeks ago and said it was over.

“She’s been putting on a brave face, as Little Mix have had promotion to do, but she’s obviously devastated,” the source tells PEOPLE

When Zayn quit the easy money train called One Direction, he said that he just wants to live like a normal 22-year-old and spend time with his family and fiancee. Zayn dumped his fiancee and signed a new record deal, so he obviously meant every word he said.

Well, I hope Zayn is happy now, because True Love is forever dead and it will never rise again…. unless Alexander Skarsgard and Michael Fassbender fall in love, get married and leak an HD sex tape. (They’re our only hope.)

Here’s the remaining members of One Erection on Good Morning America today.

Pics: Instagram, Wenn.com

Open Post: Hosted By The Symbol Of Modesty And Grace

August 4, 2015 / Posted by:

Remember when earth angel Bai Ling was kind of a serious actress (see: Red Corner, The Crow, Dumplings, Anna and the King, etc…)? Well, thank the gods of glamour that was just a phase and she’s out there living her true calling by showing the uncouth pieces of trash in L.A. what real ladylike refinement looks like.

Last night, Bai Ling was the portrait of subtle when she went to a restaurant where it’s totally okay to eat without your pants on. Bai Ling lives in her own sparkly bubble of perfection, so I doubt she knows that fellow demure flower Phoebe Price flashed her bra at lunch the other day. But maybe Bai did know and this is her way of upping a bitch. Well, those two are going to go back and forth and when one of them shows up to a restaurant clit-out naked, the other one will win the battle by showing up to another restaurant with copies of her ultrasounds and x-rays glued to her body. I’m putting my weed money on Bai Ling winning that demure flower battle.

And here’s Bai proving that nothing says “chic” like purposely forgetting to wear pants.

Pics: Splash

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Kelly Osbourne Wants Donald Trump To Ask Himself: “If We Kick Out All The Latinos, Who Is Going To Clean My Toilet?”

August 4, 2015 / Posted by:

Giuliana Rancic doesn’t have to worry about doing an hour on the treadmill today, because she probably burned hundreds of calories from cackling over Twitter calling Kelly Osbourne a privileged racist today.

I guess whoever wrote Giuliana’s joke about dreads is now writing Kelly Osbourne’s note cards. Kelly was a guest c0-host on The View today and once again the topic of Donald Trump’s shitty comments about Mexican immigrants came up. Kelly started by saying that Donald’s comments were racist and then she dribbled out a stream of messiness that made everyone hit the brakes and say, “Wha?!”

Lenny Kravitz’s Dick Came Out To Play During A Gig

August 4, 2015 / Posted by:

Sweden is giving us all the gifts today. They gave us Alexander Skarsgard in glorious drag and now they’re giving us Lenny Kravitz’s dick. May Sweden bless us all the way by making it rain Absolut Vodka on all of us.

While performing at the Gröna Lund theme park in Stockholm on Monday, Lenny Kravitz got so into it that when he squatted down, his leather pants tore open and out flopped his soft dick. Surprisingly, after noticing that his dick was open to audience, Lenny didn’t hand his guitar over to his peen and let it play while he went to fetch some new pants. Lenny left the stage for a minute to change.

Oh, thank you to whoever decided that us humans should have knees which give us the ability to squat. Thank you to Lenny’s stylist for giving him too-tight leather pants. Thank you to the makers of those leather pants for not making them indestructible. Thank you to them all.

Us perverted whores who have a file on our desktop marked “celeb noodz,” know what Lenny’s pierced goods look like since he’s (NSFW) posed nude before, but why not catch up with his peen again. After the cut is a NSFW picture of Lenny’s dick saying hello to the crowd (just ignore the angry bunny face he’s making):

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Gavin Rossdale Might’ve Done The Nanny Too

August 4, 2015 / Posted by:

I don’t know if that Pom is pissed at the paps for taking unflattering pictures or if that Pom knows that Gavin screwed the nanny and refuses to look at his cheating slut ass.

Screw the sheep. 2015 is really the year of the nanny cooch. First Ben Affleck gets accused of doing the nanny and now Gavin Rossdale. UsWeekly says that Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale’s marriage has been over for a long time. They’re doing their divorce Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert-style. They worked out the details of their divorce months ago, because they want the process to be quick and easy. A source says that Gwen and Gavin’s 13-year-marriage was lying in the gutter before she had their youngest child, 1-year-old Apollo, and they were hoping a new baby would fill the cracks in their marriage. That didn’t happen, obviously, so they decided to call it a day on their marriage.

TMZ’s source echoes UsWeekly’s story, but also claims that Gwen had the urge to bust a “smell yo dick” on Gavin, because she believed that his peen had made its way into side piece ass. Throughout the years, there’s been rumors and blind items about how Gavin screwed around on Gwen. Gwen apparently hated that Gavin spent a lot of time on the road with Bush and he felt that was hypocritical of her since she tours too. Radar has also jumped in and says that Gwen suspected that Gavin cheated on her and specifically, she believes that he boned the nanny, who is a woman.

Kim Richards Is Down And Out And (Allegedly) Stealing Shit From Target

August 4, 2015 / Posted by:

Just a couple of weeks ago, Kim Richards, formerly of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, told Entertainment Tonight that she loves being sober and her time in rehab really helped her get right back on the wagon. Well, it looks like the wagon crashed into a Target causing Kim to fly off and land into a pair of handcuffs. TMZ says that Kim was arrested over the weekend after she was accused of stealing $600 worth of stuff from a Target in the Valley. If you’re picturing Kim trying to sneak out of Target with a cartload of booze, her ex-husband Monty wants you to pop that thought bubble right away. Monty tells ET that it’s obviously a big misunderstanding. Monty says that alcohol didn’t play a part in Kim’s alleged theft and her shopping cart was filled with toys.

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