Archives: July 2015
Ben Affleck Did The Nanny In The Bahamas
Yesterday, People said that Christine Ouzounian, the nanny who is supposedly in love with Ben Affleck, went to the Bahamas with him, Jennifer Garner and their kids in June. That was the trip they took to hide out as news of their divorce broke. Jennifer apparently sent Christine to the unemployment line shortly after that trip, because she found out that ho was getting on Ben Affleck. E! News is now saying that Christine and Ben bumped genitals during that trip and that’s why Jennifer Garner fired her. I guess in Jennifer Garner’s world, the answer to the question “It’s 10pm, do you know where your children are?” is: Not with the nanny, because she’s blowing Ben Affleck.
Jennifer Beals Responds To The Hate She Got For Leaving Her Dog In A Parked Car
For a quick second yesterday, the Internet temporarily moved its rage from that lion-killing cunt dentist-on-the-run to Jennifer Beals for leaving her German Shepherd in the car while she went off to do stuff in West Vancouver. While Jennifer was doing stuff (probably kicking kittens, strangling bunnies and setting puppies on fire), her German Shepherd sat in the car and a few people, including a reporter for Global News, noticed and called her out.
The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNERS For July 30th!
Son, all I’m sayin’ is if you add 11 herbs and spices to the communion wafers, they’ll be coming back every week. – Seven
Upvote winner:
I knew JFC and KFC were related. – Loser_The_Cat_Herder
Pic: Izismile
Hot Sluts Of The Day!
KBG84, Japan’s premiere group of singing memaws! Destiny’s Child, who? Spice Girls, huh? The Supremes, eh? KBG84 is the only girl group we need.
I’m sure that if any of us made it to our 90s, we’d spend our days screaming at brats and getting drunk under the car port. But these Japanese grandmas spend their days coming up with sweet moves and laying down some hot beats. KBG84 is a music group of 33 memaws who are taking Japan by storm. Cosmopolitan says that KBG84 is from the island of Kohima island in Okinawa and the youngest member is 80 and the most seasoned member is 97.
They’ve recorded an entire album and brought bitches to their knees in a sold out tour through Japan. According to The Telegraph, the Japanese abuelitas of KBG84 are considered “idols” in their country and the “queen bee” of the group says that she thought that was a nice of way of saying, “You dead soon, girl.”
“When I first heard someone call us ‘idols’ I thought an idol meant someone who had lived a long life and was at the gates of heaven. But in Tokyo they told me it was an entertainer – which was a relief because I thought it meant I was on my way to heaven. I hadn’t even been to Tokyo or Osaka. I wanted to go there before I went to heaven. Going to Tokyo for the first time, I thought I was so lucky to be born. I got to meet my grandchildren. I’ll never forget it. I was moved to tears.”
KBG84’s first single is a wholesome song about whales in the sea and dolphins doing somersaults. That’s how it starts. A group’s first album is always G-rated. In their sophomore album, expect them to bring the edge by singing about getting fucked up at the club and stealing your man. Then they’ll exchange quick diss tracks in their Meek Mill vs. Drake-like feud with rival memaw group Buranovskiye Babushki. Eventually, they’ll break up when the “queen bee” decides she wants to go solo. I can’t wait!
Pic: Daisuke Yajima
Birthday Sluts
Geraldine Chaplin (71)
Rico Rodriguez (17)
Alexis Knapp (26)
Zelda Williams (26)
Charlie Carver (27)
B.J. Novak (36)
Annie Parisse (40)
Ben Chaplin (46)
Dean Cain (49)
J.K. Rowling (50)
Wesley Snipes (53)
Mark Cuban (57)
Michael Biehn (59)
Don Murray (86)
Night Crumbs
Brad Pitt is in London for Guy Ritchie’s wedding, which happened today, and that’s probably why he shaved off most of his billy goat beard and looks like he spent time in a shower. Brad almost had it all the way together, but then he just had to wear that hat he obviously stole from the head of a dead hobo – Lainey Gossip
The New York courts rejected Kelly Rutherford’s custody case, so she’ll be hopping the White House fence and running on the lawn while screaming, “Ayudame, Obama,” in 3..2… – Celebitchy
The Hulk Hogan leaked sex tape is gross in several ways, but at least it has taught me that “carny” wrestling talk is an amazingly advanced code language. I mean, who would ever guess that “blizz-ack gizz-uys“ is carny for “black guys.” Not even Alan Turing himself could figure that out – The Superficial
Giant hairy tit Donald Trump is disgusted by tit milk – WWTDD
Oh, don’t mind Lindsay Lohan, she’s just trying to pull out the necklace she hid up her culo while jewelry shopping earlier – Drunken Stepfather
Saying that Joanna Krupa’s pussy smells like an outdoor fish market during the month of August has cost Brandi Glanville $50,000 in legal fees so far – Reality Tea
A Married with Children spin-off may happen, so says Bud Bundy – Egotastic
Jose Canseco is going to dress like a woman for a week, because he wants to honor Caitlyn Jenner, but mostly because he needs people to pay attention to him – Jezebel
Connecticut has a hot chef and this is what he looks like without a top on – Towleroad
Kourtney Kardashian is most likely knocked up with her next few Life & Style cover stories – IDLYITW
That mother of the bride dress ain’t it, but Winnie Cooper still looks good – Hollywood Tuna
That eyeshadow ain’t it, but Salma Hayek’s magnificent chichis still look magnificent – Popoholic
Teresa Giudice needs to sue herself and her husband, because I’m pretty sure they’re the reasons why she’s in prison – Just Jared
AWWWWWWWWW… I actually felt something for a second – The Berry
Jason Alexander would like everyone to know that he’s not the Jason Alexander who got busted for child porn – SOW
This is what Guy Ritchie’s English countryside wedding looked like – Popsugar
Amy Schumer and Jennifer Lawrence hung out. I’m surprised the Internet didn’t implode from this information – HuffPo
Morrissey claims his carrot and potatoes got groped by the TSA at San Francisco International Airport and is letting everyone know that if you want to get your bits grabbed, that’s the place to go – Queerty
Pic: Splash