Ben Affleck’s rep has already denied away that he has completed almost every step in “The Guide To Having A Cliche Mid-Life Crisis” by doing his children’s nanny. Ben is shaking his head “no” to the rumor that he had something going on with the nanny who was hired and fired by Jennifer Garner. He’s even threatened to sue. UsWeekly was the first one to report the rumor and now People, who has pretty much been Bennifer 2.0’s voice throughout their divorce, is saying that the nanny, Christine Ouzounian, is telling her friends that she’s ~in love~ with Ben. Well, judging by these paparazzi pictures of her that were taken yesterday, Ben has some competition. Because it looks like she’s ~in love~ with the cameras too.
Several sources tell People that 28-year-old Christine told her friends that she and 42-year-old Ben were having an affair. People’s sources pretty much co-signed UsWeekly’s story. Jennifer Garner hired Christine last spring to take care of the kids and it wasn’t long before she was taking care of Ben’s dick too. Christine and Ben apparently started fucking very shortly after she started working for his family. They would regularly get their hump on at the Hotel Bel Air. Ben and Jennifer were already separated by then. The source says that Christine felt like it was a full-on relationship and it seems like Ben treated it like a bone-and-go type of situation.
“It’s been going on for a long time,” adds the friend, who says Ouzounian showed her pictures of her sitting on Affleck’s lap and the two of them kissing. A second source in touch with Ouzounian’s circle confirms Ouzounian told friends she and Affleck were intimate. “For Christine, it was a relationship,” says the source. “A friend warned her she was going to end up heartbroken.”
A “source close to Ben Affleck” (Matt Damon, drop the “anonymous source” voice, get off that pay phone and stop playing around!) denied everything in that blockquote to People. The source also says that Ben never cheated.
Christine didn’t get pink-slipped by Jennifer Garner until recently. Christine went to the Bahamas with Ben and his three kids in June. Jennifer Garner later met her family there and later co-starred in that sad and serious photo-op with Ben. Ben and Jennifer announced that they’re getting divorced while in the Bahamas. Ben and Christine left the Bahamas together for a charity poker event (oh, I bet he did poker) in Las Vegas. Jennifer stayed in the Bahamas with the kids and Christine’s friend claims that’s when she found out about the affair.
Garner “was livid,” says the friend. “And I don’t blame her because if my children bonded with you and you did this? It’s just the biggest betrayal.”
Yes, the biggest betrayal is a nanny you have only known for a few months fucking your estranged husband. It’s a betrayal bigger than your husband of 10 years doing the woman hired to take care of your kids.
That motherfucker Ben Affleck… (“Don’t you mean ‘that nannyfucker’?” – you) Because his roaming dick roamed up into the nanny’s punane, we ALL have to pay the price. We know how this is going to play out. Christine is going to give a tell-all interview to Life & Style, which will lead to a tell-all television interview on Inside Edition, which will lead to a spread in Maxim Romania, which will lead to a spot on Celebrity Big Brother UK, which will lead to a spokesperson contract with Ashley Madison, which will eventually lead to a spot on Dancing with the Has-Beens in the US and a part-time correspondent job on Extra. We don’t need another Rebecca Loos! I don’t know how to say Christine’s last name, but I’m sure that soon I’ll be able to pronounce it correctly and type it by heart. Damn you, Ben!