Page Six Says That Gisele Bundchen Wore A Burqa To Get Her Tits Done On The Down Low

July 29, 2015 / Posted by:

Waking up to the headline “Gisele dons a burqa to secretly fix her ‘deflated’ boobs” made me dump my usual morning cup of crushed-up Vivarin and homemade Four Loko into the sink, because that shit took me higher than any upper could. Deflategate: The Sequel! This fuckery at its finest.

While Little Lord Tom Brady goes down his slide of happiness to heal the sadness in his heart area from being put in the time out corner again, his wife Gisele Bundchen is supposedly enjoying her new rotated and lifted chichis. Page Six says that Gisele was in Paris two weeks ago to get her deflated tits plumped up and her eyes done. That probably made Tom Brady extra sad, because we all know that he likes his balls deflated.

Gisele didn’t want anyone to find out so she came up with an ingenious (and ILLEGAL) disguise. Gisele and her sister Rafaela reportedly wore burqas as they waltzed into the International Clinique du Parc Monceau in Paris. Face coverings have been illegal in France since 2011. Gisele probably thought she was being extra slick and fooled those sneaky paps, but Page Six says that she fucked up and gave herself up.

Gisele supposedly used the same driver she’s been using for years and she wore open-toed shoes, which is a complete no no and something a Muslim woman who wears a burqa would never wear out in public. The paps claim this is Gisele in disguise:

The source says that Gisele’s tits got saggy after having two kids and so she decided to lift them up as a 35th birthday present to herself. After getting the $11,000 surgeries, her driver drove her and her sister to the Les Sources de Caudalie spa to heal for a few days. Gisele and her sister left Paris on Friday.

Gisele, Gisele… If you’re going to do some CULTURAL APPROPRIATION shit to get your tits done on the shush, at least do it right. She should’ve used a different driver, worn the right shoes and carried a bag that she would never carry. What an amateur! She also should’ve used a strong perfume to hide her signature scent of smugness that I can smell from here. But still, there’s no way of knowing 100% that it’s her and she can still deny, deny, deny. When a reporter tells her that her chichis are looking extra perky, she can once again say that she’ll NEVER have plastic surgery and they got that way from eating soybeans, doing chest yoga and praying.

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