Emergencia! Emergencia! The Parasite Hiltons and Kim Kartrashians of the world may have to use their queef bubble of a brain to remember a new name for their overpriced and beloved Hermès crocodile Birkin bag.
Hermès named the Birkin bag after Jane Birkin, the British actress/singer who was with Serge Gainsbourg for a while, in 1984. Hermès designed the bag for her after she told the company’s CEO during a flight that she was upset about not having a great purse for traveling. She carried it for decades. The Birkin bag comes in all different kinds of colors and animals skins and they range in price from around $10,000 to YOUR FIRST BORN.
Jane issued a statement asking Hermès to take her name off of the crocodile Birkin bag (cost: $60,000), because she just can’t with how they get the crocodile’s skin to make the bag.
“Having been alerted to the cruel practices reserved for crocodiles during their slaughter to make Hermès handbags carrying my name . . . I have asked Hermès to de-baptize the Birkin Croco until better practices in line with international norms can be put in place.”
I don’t know what Jane thought before. Maybe she thought that the crocodiles committed suicide, because they really wanted their skin to be turned into a bag carried by a rich twat (see: picture above). Jane gave that statement right after PETA (you knew that was coming) released a video showing how the crocodiles and alligators are killed for their skins. Hermès responded to Jane and PETA by saying that they are launching an “investigation.” They didn’t say if they have plans to change the name of the Birkin bag to something more accurate like The College Tuition Bag or The House In Iowa Bag.
“Hermès imposes on its partners the highest standards in the ethical treatment of crocodiles. For more than 10 years, we have organised monthly visits to our suppliers. We control their practices and their conformity with slaughter standards established by veterinary experts and by the Fish and Wildlife Service (a federal American organisation for the protection of nature) and with the rules established under the aegis of the UNO, by the Washington Convention of 1973 which defines the protection of endangered species.”
You know, it’s time for Hermès to get rid of the Birkin bag altogether. It had a good run and it made the company zillions of dollars I’m sure. But it’s time for something fresher. May I suggest: The Merkin bag!
Much more chic, sophisticated, luxurious and mostly cruelty free. I hate carrying any kind of bag, but I’d gladly carry a Hermès Merkin bag in ginger.