Seen above looking like a Predator working the prosthetic butt that Martin Lawrence wore in Big Momma’s House, Khloe Kartrashian is on the cover of
Komplex Complex and in the interview, she brings the heave-summoning jacked-up foolery in heavy doses. Khloe defends Kylie Jenner’s relationship with PedoTyga and also tells us what it sounds like when Pimp Mama Kris fucks. If you really don’t feel like torturing your stomach and soul, skip the words that Khloe sharted up and watch this video of a bull dog trying to climb into a tiny folding chair instead. That bulldog works the “ass out, head over shoulder” pose a million times better than Khlozilla does.
Khloe once said in an interview with Joy Behar that she lost her virginity at 14 to an 18-year-old and looking back it now, she thinks it was disgusting and regrets doing it. But well, what a difference a “change your tune, whore” check from Pimp Mama Kris makes, because Khloe now tells Complex that Kylie Jenner is pretty much a grown woman. The silicone in Khloe’s ass must’ve somehow traveled to her brain, because she thinks that since 17-year-old Kylie owns her own house and goes to business meetings, it’s okay for her to be with a 25-year-old man and wear an “Eat Me Out” t-shirt. Behold, the logic of a plastic wookie:
“I think at 16 I was probably fucking someone that was in their 20s, for sure. I wouldn’t say I was even dating, probably just sleeping with them. But again, Kylie is not a normal 17-year-old. You’re not gonna say, “Hey, so what are you doing this weekend?” and have her say, “Having a slumber party at my girlfriend’s,” or “Going to prom.” That’s not what Kylie does. Kylie is taking business meetings and bought her first house, or she’s going on a private plane with Karl Lagerfeld to take a meeting. That’s not even what people do in their 30s. It’s a rare circumstance, so let’s treat this as a special case.”
Yes, that is exactly how it works. It is 100% okay for a grown dude to prey on a youngin’ as long as that youngin’ goes to business meetings. PedoBear is going to start trolling the playground of the Montessori Business School. If only the pedos on To Catch A Predator knew this piece of info. “But Chris, she told me she goes to business meetings and that makes what I’m doing not illegal. It says so in the Special Kase Law. Look it up!”
Khloe also spewed out this dingle-embedded grossness while talking about how she’s heard the mating sounds of PMK:
“Hearing them have sex is wild and I’m traumatized. We were downstairs, and we just heard like [claps]. It’s really a traumatizing thing. And the headboard just going…. That shouldn’t happen to anybody, but it’s happened to me a few times with my mom. When I was younger, I was hiding under my mom’s bed for some reason, and her and Bruce started having sex. I was there and I couldn’t leave. I had to stay until it was over.”
I shouldn’t be so hard on Khloe. It’s obviously that she can’t think right since her brain has been through some traumatic shit. When I was 5 or 6, I was at my auntie’s house and my older cousin was watching Alien, so I watched with her. Brett’s death scene scared the shit out of me and traumatized me for a bit. So I feel Khloe’s pain. I bet the sound of an alien killing a man sounds a lot like PMK boning. And now I’ll really never be able to watch Alien again.
Here’s a few of the Kartrashians going to see The Phantom of the Opera in L.A. yesterday. I bet afterward, they went backstage and gave the Phantom their plastic surgeon’s business card.