Living shimmer brick Jennifer Lopez celebrated her 46th birthday last night at a club in the Hamptons, and she wore…whatever you’d call this. It looks sort of like a dress that was made from those tissue paper thongs they give you when you go get your snatch waxed and some factory defect sheer panel shapewear. Regardless of whatever it is, JLo is working the hell out of it. She’s serving up classy funeral stripper realness, and I love it.
JLo’s dress is hot (vaguely slutty + covered shoulders = always a hot combo), but sadly, it’s nothing compared to the overwhelming beauty that was her 45th birthday cake. Maybe that would explain JLo’s dress. Maybe when it came time to get dressed for this year’s birthday party, a vision of that exquisite buttercream nightmare flashed before her eyes and it whispered “Girl, you need to step up your game this year, because I set the bar very high.” And that’s how several pairs of black pantyhose became an dress.
And if this is what JLo wears to her 46th birthday party, I can’t wait to see what kind of next-level “I’M STILL VERY SEXY” eleganza she pulls out for her 50th. I’m sure there’s a team of stylists working on a single stretch mesh ribbon as we speak.
Here’s more of a newly 46-year-old JLo arriving to her birthday party last night with her professional…uh…boyfriend (???) Casper Smart. Also at the party was French Montana, who appeared to be wearing an ill-fitting children’s Tony Manero costume from a Party City outlet store.