Just a helpful production note for anyone who is planning on recording a menacing video message for their enemies any time in the near future: it’s difficult to appear tough when it looks like you’re filming in front of the Home Depot garden center.
Trace Cyrus, the Cousin Eddie to Miley’s Clark Griswold (technically I think they’re both the Cousin Eddie, but just go with me on this one) recently crawled out of the shallow end of gene pool and reminded us that he’s still a thing by threatening to fight other bands. That’s right. If you’re in a band and you’ve been talking shit about Trace Cyrus’ band, he WILL kick your ass…but only if you agree to sign a lengthy waiver promising that you will not sue him.
Metro UK says this mess started during something called the Alternative Press Music Awards on Wednesday. All Time Low’s Alex Gaskarth, who hosted the APMAs, made a light joke about Trace’s band, Metro Station, at some point during the show. Trace and his fellow Metro Station band member Mason Russo were supposed to introduce a performance by a band called PVRIS, but Trace decided to verbally shit on the members of All Time Low instead. Apparently Trace, who is giving me glue-huffing older brother of Rainbow Dash from My Little Pony Friendship Is Magic, didn’t appreciate the joke.
Then while PVRIS were performing, Alternative Press says Trace and All Time Low got into it backstage. Once PVRIS was done, Alex Gaskarth decided to stir the pot by getting on stage and blowing a saucy air kiss in Trace’s direction.
Trace calmed his hooves a bit, but he was still mad. So he hopped on Twitter (of course) to further drag All Time Low.
“To clear things up I wasn’t upset what all time low said on stage. It just pushed me to my limit. They have talked shit about me and Metro Station for years and even made merch making fun of us. I’ve played many shows and toured with them and I have no respect for people who can’t say something to my face. I confronted them back stage and they denied everything like cowards. Hate me or love me but I’m real and say it how it is.”
Normally, this would be where most dramatic attention whores would throw in the towel and call it a day. But not Trace. Trace Cyrus wasn’t done letting the world know that he was still mad that someone made fun of the band most famous for a song that played constantly in Forever 21 in 2008. Trace released a video announcing that he will fight any “bitch-ass bands” who have not-nice words about Metro Station. And don’t forget to bring a fuckin’ pen, because you’ll need it to “sign a fuckin’ waiver” first.
The waiver is probably just an insurance formality for the inevitable moment when Trace mistakes one of his opponent’s arms for a carrot and tries to bite it off.
I know Trace has got Cyrus blood running through his veins, but this is entirely too much Cyrus. Even Hillbilly Moonshine Princess Miley is like “Let’s see…no shirt, sunglasses at night, wallet chain, dropping all his Gs, picking fights in a parking lot. Damn Trace, if you start chugging from a 2L bottle of Dr. Faygo, I’m coming down there to get you.”