Brooke Hogan Wrote A Poem About How The Hulkster Totally Isn’t Racist

July 25, 2015 / Posted by:

Brooke Hogan, one of the many nuggets floating around in the metaphorical toilet that is Hulk Hogan’s sex tape transcript (working title: “The Hulkster is About To Make You Feel Real Uncomfortable, Bruthur“), is apparently super sad that people think her daddy is racist. I know, right? Whatever would give us that idea? It’s not like there’s reportedly a recording of Hulk Hogan growling out the n-word over and over again. Oh wait…

Brooke wants you to look past The Hulkster’s word turds and into his (probably) deeply sun-damaged heart. Shortly after Hulk admitted that, yeah, he said some offensive shit and apologized for it, Brooke wrote a poem titled “If You Knew My Father” and posted it to Facebook. So for those of you who have ever scrolled through the Dlisted archives and wondered what former famous person Brooke Hogan has been up to, you have your answer. Poetry. She also made a picture collage of Hulk Hogan shaking hands with an assortment of people, because Brooke Hogan really wants you to know her dad loves everyone.

The poem is after the cut because it’s way too many words. But also because it’s a damn MESS and you’re going to want to slam a couple shots of something hard before you try to work your way through it.

~If You Knew My Father~
By Brooke Bollea

If you knew the dad I knew,
you’d know his tender heart.

He’d never want to hurt his fans,
or family from the start.

If you knew my father,
you would know how hard he fought…

and the way it brought a smile to people light, medium and dark.

We always fight a battle
that people never see,

and sometimes when you’re hurting, you don’t think logically.

Human isn’t perfect,
and perfect is not he,

but I can tell you one thing, it’s just not what it seems.

Cause If you knew the dad I knew,
you’d know he raised me well.

He taught me folks are so much more
than shades could ever tell.

And If you knew my father,
you would know he’s down to earth.

He may have slammed the giant,
but remembers life’s true worth.

If you knew my father,
if you just walked in his shoes…

then you would know that microscope that comes with yellow boots.

If you knew my father,
you would see your own in mine.

And if he was your father, you could never find divide.

Cause me- I bet your father
or someone that you love

Maybe regrets something
they wish they’d never done.

So if you know my father,
remember he’s a man,

and you would crave relief if people judged everything you did.

The lord says to forgive them,
don’t be the one to stone…

so please remember his strong arms when you were all alone.

The lives he’s changed, the friends he’s made,
the people he’s inspired…

It makes me sad to see my dad
defeated and so tired.

If you knew my father,
you would know just how he’s hurting…

For he loves every one of you, regardless of your story.

And if you met my father,
I know he’d give you love!

He’d lift you up, apologize and give you all a hug.

For those who think you know my father,
remember who you are.

We all can make mistakes and carry ugly scars.

Because I know my father,
I can promise this-

Just like you and I, things we don’t mean can sometimes slip.

We all continue learning.
This life can be so rough…

So if you know my father, please try not to be tough.

My father has a daughter,
and I have feelings too.

And if I knew your father, I would do the same for you.

My father is a good guy, I swear he isn’t trash
What other dad would volunteer to rub sunscreen on your ass?

I’m glad Brooke has ~feelings~ and shit, but maybe someone could have proofread that poem before she posted it. For example, when writing a poem about how your dad taught you not to judge the color of people’s skin, maybe don’t put in a line referring to people as “light, medium, and dark.

Final thought: I’m really disappointed that Brooke used the words “scars” and “are” and didn’t rhyme them with No Holds Barred. That was a real missed opportunity, Brooke.


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