Last night in London, the paps jumped on the panty creaming prince of Tumblr, Tom Hiddleston, and the Olsen who doesn’t live in the hallowed out trunk of a rotten tree and lures small children to her lair with candy before nibbling on pieces of their pristine souls. Tom and Elizabeth Olsen left The Wolseley in London and the paps got on them as he hailed a cab. The picture above is one of the only pictures where the Marilyn Munster of the Olsens is showing her full mug. In the rest of the pictures below, she’s hiding her face the same way a one-night trick hides his face as he leaves my place in the daylight hours.
Tom and Elizabeth have apparently been boning for a couple of months after “getting close” while shooting the Hank Williams biopic I Saw The Light. They haven’t come out and said that they’re genitals are becoming one and last night it looked like Elizabeth was not here for the attention. But if I was her, I wouldn’t be hiding my face and trying to get away from the paps. I’d be laughing and smiling and doing cartwheels down the street before opening up my cape coat thing to show off my t-shirt with the words “I’m Going Home To Fuck Your Man, Tumblr. Cry, Bitches” written on it in sequins. And Hawkeye really needs to sit Loki down and give him a thorough lesson in beauty. Jeremy Renner would teach Tom how to properly blend so he won’t be caught with a messy fake tanner face game again.