In California, it’s illegal to use newborns younger than 15 days old for any kind of TV or movie shoot. Babies who are between the ages of 16 days and 6 months can be used but only for 20 minutes a day. If there wasn’t a law, Michelle Duggar would have moved to California a long time ago and opened up a newborn acting agency in her twat. But in South Africa, where Sean Penn is directing a movie, there are no laws like that and a newborn baby can go directly from the womb to the makeup chair on a film set.
Deadline says that the hairy Craisin is currently in Cape Town doing reshoots for a movie called The Last Face (Side note: That face above might’ve been the last face you’ve seen, because there’s a good chance his piping hot skin burned your retinas). In the movie, Sean’s ex-piece Charlize Theron and Javier Bardem play doctors who are doing humanitarian relief work amidst a political/social revolution in Africa. Adèle Exarchopoulos and Jean Reno also star, and soon a 10-second-old baby will also join the cast.
Production recently put out a casting call for a pregnant black woman who is due to give birth any second now. If you’re a pregnant black woman in Cape Town who wants her newborn to be in a Sean Penn movie, but you’re going into labor right now, you better cross your legs tight and keep that baby up in there for another day. (Tip: Keep a picture of Jim Bob Duggar at the foot of your cooch and your baby will crawl up the other way real fast.) Production needs a baby that is coming into this world on either Saturday or Sunday. The baby will make $120 a day and may have to work for 2 days. Here’s the WTF notice they put out:
They should pay that baby more than $120 a day. That child is going to need some extra money to pay for all the therapy they’ll have to get from staring at Sean Penn’s George Hamilton nutsack face during the first few days of their life. I was going to say that Sean should rewrite the role and get Clint Eastwood to send him over the American Sniper fake baby, but that won’t work. The American Sniper fake baby is more famous than everyone in that movie and there’s no way Sean can afford its day rate.
Here’s Charlize working Heidi braids at the L.A. premiere of the straight-to-DirecTV movie Dark Places.