Hulk: So whatcha gonna do when the Hulkster runs racist on you?
WWE: Um, fire you.
WWE announced this morning that they are done with barbecued piece of gristle Hulk Hogan because of a leaked transcript where he uses his deep fried mouth slit to shit out the n-word a bunch of times. The WWE’s website is now 40% less orange, because they have already erased every sign of Hulk Hogan from it. They released this statement:
“WWE terminated its contract with Terry Bollea (aka Hulk Hogan). WWE is committed to embracing and celebrating individuals from all backgrounds as demonstrated by the diversity of our employees, performers and fans worldwide.”
Hulk Hogan is currently suing Gawker for $100 million for posting still shots and a detailed description (damn those nasties for that) of a sex tape from 2012 starring him and Heather Clem, the then wife of his friend Bubba the Love Sponge. Hulk claims he didn’t know he was being recorded when he humped on Heather like a walrus humping on a piece of plywood. Radar and The National Enquirer somehow got a hold of sealed transcripts of the sex tape. In it, Hulk fucks Heather’s ears with slurs while talking about his daughter Brooke Hogan dating a black guy. TMZ also claims that they’ve seen the tape and confirm that Hulk really says this shit. via Radar
At that point on the tape, the former “Hogan Knows Best” star bemoaned how a “black billionaire guy” had offered to fund her music career. He also attempts to use bizarre, twisted logic in an attempt to justify his bigotry at the man. “I don’t know if Brooke was f*cking the black guy’s son,” Hulk raved, the sources add.
“I mean, I don’t have double standards. I mean, I am a racist, to a point, f*cking n*ggers. But then when it comes to nice people and sh*t, and whatever.” Then, in a tirade to rival the racism embarrassments suffered by Mel Gibson and “Dog The Bounty Hunter,” Hulk unloaded even more hatred!
According to sources, he said: “I mean, I’d rather if she was going to f*ck some n*gger, I’d rather have her marry an 8-foot-tall n*gger worth a hundred million dollars! Like a basketball player!
“I guess we’re all a little racist. Fucking n*gger.”
If Paula Deen’s assistants are wondering why the sound of squishy cheek pulling is coming from her office, they don’t need to worry. She’s just fapping to that transcript over and over again.
Hulk swears that the WWE didn’t fire him. He quit last night. He also went to a bull farm, picked up a giant pile of shit with his hands, called it his official statement and gave it to People:
“Eight years ago I used offensive language during a conversation. It was unacceptable for me to have used that offensive language; there is no excuse for it; and I apologize for having done it. This is not who I am. I believe very strongly that every person in the world is important and should not be treated differently based on race, gender, orientation, religious beliefs or otherwise. I am disappointed with myself that I used language that is offensive and inconsistent with my own beliefs.”
The sex tape supposedly happened 3 years ago, so either all that peroxide ate the Hulk’s memory or Gawker’s date is wrong or he’s talking about a different “conversation.”
But leave it to Hulk Hogan to talk about his daughter’s failed music career and her dating a black guy after (or before) fucking a woman. Heather probably sat there thinking two things to herself: 1) “Boning AND Racism. This tape is going to make me so rich.” and 2) “If I put on the Brooke Hogan face mask he had made for me and let him do me missionary, will he stop fucking talking?“