Okay, So Blake Shelton Was The Cheating Skank Slut In His Marriage

Yesterday, Blake Shelton’s team, I mean, anonymous sources, tried to convince us that Miranda Lambert is a two-timing, pussy-passing strumpet wench who broke Blake’s good ole’ boy wholesome heart by sexing on country singer Chris Young (he denies it) and some other dude. Well, now it’s Blake’s turn to get branded in the ass cheek with a scarlet letter.

TMZ, who brought us the Miranda cheating claims yesterday, says that now her people are calling Blake the cheater. Miranda is pissing shit over Blake using a powerful PR firm to attack her in the media and label her a cheating floozy just a quick second after they buried their marriage. Miranda claims that her vagina never visited another’s dick and that Blake is the one who messed around on her with a famous country singer. Trace Adkins, you home wrecking whore, how could you?!

2015 is one-long acid trip, so far. Who knew that I’d write 3 too many posts about these two? But really…

Miranda and Blake are an embarrassment! I mean, using TMZ’s tip line to throw shit at each other? What are they? Kardashians? This is not the way a messy country divorce showdown is supposed to play out. Miranda, Blake and all their side pieces need to go on Jerry Springer. And that show needs to end with a drunk, shirtless Blake screaming, “But Miranda I luuuuuv-de-ded yooze,” as security guards hold him back and a barefoot Miranda attacks his pregnant side piece with mashed potatoes that the prop people put out because it’s a special Thanksgiving episode. That’s how it’s supposed to go down. So please, Miranda and Blake, get some dignity and call Jerry Springer.

Also, Lainey has a blind item today that is so not about Miranda and Blake. Not at all.