We’ve all had to deal with screaming babies or toddlers whose parents don’t try to shush them up. Even though a non-stop crying baby scrapes four layers off of my nerves, I’ve always tried to keep it together and not lose it, because I don’t want to be known as the ice cold cunt who made a kid cry more. (I can’t believe I typed that last part. I don’t know myself anymore.) But well, there’s a diner owner in Maine who doesn’t care and will gladly tell off a crying toddler.
If you haven’t already, meet Darla Neugebauer, the owner of Marcy’s Diner in Portland, Maine, who is now known as the lady who told a 2-year-old girl to shut the fuck up. Buzzfeed says that the story went viral after the little girl’s mom, Tara Carson, left a note (which was later deleted) on the Facebook page of Marcy’s Diner where she slapped down Darla for screaming at her daughter.
Darla is obviously NEVER the one, so she responded to Tara’s note. Hell hath no fury like a diner owner and pancake defender. Darla didn’t hold back at all and let Tara know that she’s a proud crazy bitch and she lost it because: 1) The toddler’s cries went on for way too long; and 2) She had to make 3 FULL SIZE FUCKING pancakes for a little child!
That response is crazy and beautiful. It’s a beautiful work of poetic insanity. I want to frame it and put it in my kitchen. The next day, Darcy jumped on Marcy’s Diner’s FB page again and explained her side of the story in more detail. She wrote that it was a really busy Saturday and that the little girl started crying while waiting for her 3 full size pancakes. The little girl loudly screamed for over 40 minutes while the adults at the table ignored her and yapped away. They also ignored the uneaten 3 full size pancakes on the table. Darcy finally had enough and told them to take their asses outside or take the screaming “beast” outside.
The story made it to the local news. Tara Carson told WCSH6 that she felt helpless and she wished she could find a way to tell her daughter to never act like Darla. Darla thinks that she may have used a little poor judgement, but she doesn’t regret a thing, because her screaming got shit done. When NBC inevitably turns this story into a mini-series called The Yell, either Edie Falco or a sober Tan Mom should play Darla.
Some people are on Team Crying Toddler and said they will never eat at Marcy’s Diner again. Others are on Team Marcy’s Diner and say that Darla spoke up for everyone who has had their breakfast ruined by a screaming toddler. I’m not on either team. I am on Team Pancakes. What happened to the pancakes?! Did the Carsons take them home? Were they eaten? Were they thrown in the trash? I need to know! The pancakes are the real victims in this story. And since Darla is on a roll, she should go after that evil donut-tainting toddler Ariana Grande Latte next.