I have wondered why greasy thespian orchid Spaz de la Huerta wasn’t offered the lead in Gone Girl or the lead in Still Alice or the lead in every Shakespearean project. I mean, at this point, Paz should be offered every role that Jennifer Lawrence is offered before Jennifer Lawrence is offered it. But well, Paz’s career is as alive as her line delivery and she blames the underrated cinematic jewel Nurse 3D for killing it.
TMZ says that the most beautiful dove in Hollywood has filed a $55 million lawsuit against the makers of 2013’s Nurse 3D for ruining her career. In the lawsuit, Paz claims that it all started years ago when she was shooting a scene for the movie. An ambulance was supposed to speed on by her, but something went wrong and it clipped her instead. She suffered a spinal fracture and vowed to file a worker’s comp complaint. That threat caused the movie’s director to declare Paz a pain in his taint and he brought in a shitty actress to dub her voice in several scenes including the ambulance scene.
Because most critics don’t know shit and can’t appreciate an art house classic when it’s splattered against their eyes, they gave Nurse 3D all thumbs down and called Paz’s performance “monotone.” Paz blames the reviews about her performance on the director dubbing her voice. Paz claims that because some consider Nurse 3D the worst movie ever made, her career is floating face down in the gutter* and she wants them to pay for this. Paz says she was making around $2 million a year before Nurse 3D, so she figures her career is worth $55 million total. She also wants a judge to force the director to re-dub her scenes with her voice.
I’ve seen Nurse 3D, because my brain loves to eat art, and I can say that it’s far from being the worst movie ever. Actually, it’s closer to being the best movie ever. Something else must be going on if Paz isn’t getting the roles that an A-list actress who is the reincarnation of Katharine Hepburn should get. I think I know what’s going on. The actresses are jealous, because they know that Paz is going to take their roles and the actors are jealous, because they know that she’s going to show them up on screen. So they all got together and are getting her blacklisted from Hollywood and spreading lies. Paz shouldn’t sue for just $55 million. She should sue for $55 trillion dollars and make Hollywood bleed, because they deserve it for trying to ruin the greatest talent of our time. Burn Hollywood down, Paz. Burn that bitch down!