Afternoon Crumbs

The Photoshop Awards: They tell me this is supposed to be Queen of the Botox Needle, Nicole Kidman, on the cover of Vogue, but it looks like she wasn’t available and so they asked a hungover and barfy Laura Linney to fill in for her – Lainey Gossip 

Thanks to the alleged tattoo-shaming and Cyrus-hating border agents, Canada is Trace Cyrus-free for now. The good news for Trace is that now he doesn’t have to sit in pony quarantine anymore – Celebitchy

Teresa Giudice will speak to Bravo through a prison phone and I hope they get some footage of her, because I really need to see how she’s maintaining her beauty with fake tanner made out of generic Tang and fake lashes made of daddy long legs – Reality Tea 

And here’s the clearance section Tank Girl that is Miley Cyrus as you’ve never seen her before and by that I mean as you always see her – Drunken Stepfather 

One of the ripped douches from Vanderpump Rules got arrested for stealing sunglasses from a Sunglass Hut in Hawaii, because I guess Andy Cohen yelled at him for not being on TMZ enough. But you know, every time I see a dude from that show in “the news,” I always ask myself if he’s the gay for pay one or not. Then I answer my question by saying, “Aren’t they all, Michael. Aren’t they all?” – The Superficial 

Compared to what Kylie Jenner usually wears, this ensemble is downright church-ey and demure. And I bet she did wear it to church the next day – IDLYITW

The real “misunderstanding” is Hollywood giving Adam Sandler millions of dollars to make all those shit shows – Jezebel

Rachel Bilson should wear a shirt with the words “I Am Not Leighton Meester” on it whenever she goes out, because I looked at these pictures and wondered why she doesn’t have a gigantic knocked up stomach – Popoholic

Lindsey Vonn wants you to see her ass – Egotastic

Miss Piggy does”Bitch Better Have My Money” the way it was meant to be done – Towleroad

Jayde Nicole, a name I haven’t typed since 2010, still exists – Hollywood Tuna 

Fantasia got married and please tell me Aunt Bunny let out a loud “guuuuuurrrrl please” during the vows – HuffPo

Dear FKA Twigs, thanks for reminding me that we all looked fucked up in 1992 – Popsugar

Nice try, Hattie the Singing Puss, but that Portuguese cat did it better – The Berry 

Thomas Roberts became the first out gay person to ever anchor a network evening news broadcast – OMG Blog

Simon Cowell gave Louis Tomlinson daddy advice – Just Jared

Rita Ora and Tommy Hillfiger’s son broke up – ICYDK