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July 18, 2015 / Posted by:

Keebler Opera Creme cookies!

If you’re looking at that busted down, blurry-as-shit picture and wondering if you’re still drunk from last night, the answer is: you may be. But even if you’re as sober as a buddhist newborn, that picture is still blurrier than Dina Lohan’s vision any day of the week. It is the only picture of Opera Creme cookies I could find on the Internet and that really is a crime.

Opera Creme cookies were made by the Olsens’ do-gooder, gourmet baker relatives, the Keebler elves, and they came out in the 80s. Each pack had 2 flavors: chocolate cookies with vanilla lemon creme filling and vanilla cookies , also with vanilla lemon creme filling. I don’t even really remember what they tasted like, but I remember as a kid thinking that they were the height of gourmet sophistication. In my mind, after dinner, THE QUEEN’s butler would roll out a silver dessert cart and on it would be Viennetta, Frusen Glädjé and a crystal plate full of Opera Creme cookies. Just the name alone is a thing of luxurious decadence. You obviously had to eat them with opera gloves on and “creme” is what “cream” changed its name to after it moved to France, married a dignitary and spent its days lounging around like a rich lady of leisure.

Opera Cremes eventually went away and Keebler has no plans to bring them back. I can’t help but think that THE QUEEN must feel a little less fancy inside when her butler rolls the dessert cart out and Opera Creme cookies are not on it.

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