Satan Just Put On A Parka, Because Whoopi Goldberg Changed Her Tune On The Bill Cosby

Ever since Hannibal Buress opened up Bill Cosby’s closet and pulled out and dusted off those drugging and rape allegations, Whoopi Goldberg has defended Cosby like crazy. Whoopi defended him the same way I defended Chicken Cutlets when a former friend said, “I don’t know what you see in Phoebe Price.” Whoopi practically kicked off her clogs and issued a “You in danger, girl” on anybody who dared say that Bill Cosby is most likely guilty. Whoopi continued to throw fists for Cosby even after we all found out that he admitted in a deposition to buying ludes to give to women. But today, the defender of anything and everything joined Jill Scott by swan diving off of Cosby’s sinking ship. That leaves a confused Bill Cosby standing on a slanted deck holding a silver tray full of drinks as one of his lone supporters Phylicia Rashad throws him a look that says, “Yeah, I’m not that thirsty.”

On today’s The View, ABC’s legal analyst Dan Abrams (who does things to me and yes, I admitted that out loud) took Whoopi’s hand and walked her through the entire Cosby situation. Dan told Whoopi things that have been said on her show before. But Whoopi didn’t hear it then, because she was too busy furiously shaking her head while screaming “J-E-L-L-NO!”

Whoopi long defended Cosby, because she felt he was “innocent until proven guilty” and has never been convicted of rape. Dan let Whoopi know today that Cosby can never be proven guilty since the statute of limitations is up for both criminal and civil suits that his accusers may have filed against him. Most of Cosby’s accusers can’t take him to court and the only thing they can do is try his ass in the court of public opinion. A light bulb appeared above Whoopi’s weed smoke-filled head and she said that she didn’t know that. Whoopi went on to say that all the info out there kind of points to guilt and then she burped up a message to the man she’s been defending like it’s her job. via Deadline

“You got a serial rapist, he’s been on the streets for 30 years. I thought, ‘Here’s all the information. Take his ass to jail.’ I find out from you that that’s not possible…So, I can’t say any more ‘innocent until proven guilty’. It looks bad, Bill. Either speak up or shut up, cause people know now there’s a lot more out there than they thought.”

Dan didn’t say anything new and while watching Whoopi, I could practically hear her thinking to herself, “Stick with the script, Whoopi. Stick with the script the producers told you to say after threatening to fire you from your cushy job because you’re making the show look worse.”

And while Dan was schooling Whoopi on the facts, he should’ve continued to school her by letting her know that she’s not Beetlejuice, so she shouldn’t wear those pants: