In “So Shocking” News: January Jones Spent A Comic-Con Party Looking Miserable

July 14, 2015 / Posted by:

Apparently Ben Affleck wasn’t the only one working a hardcore frown game at Comic-Con this weekend. According to Page Six, resting bitch face hall of famer January Jones was seen at a party for the movieĀ Self/Less during Comic-Con, and shock of all shocks, she looked like she’d rather be getting a fire ant enema. A source from the party, who no doubt had to be treated for second degree frostbite burns on their eyeballs after looking directly into her ice queen stare, tells Page Six that January “appeared absolutely miserable” and that she spent the night sucking on an e-cig.

“She was in a really foul mood and sat by herself, chain-smoking an e-cigarette while her friends danced. She was completely disinterested, and no one knew why she was there.”

Maybe January was acting like such a Debbie Downer, because she knew she was at a party for a movie that will someday see the inside of the $0.99 DVD bin at Walmart.

I don’t blame January for being in a shit mood all night. I blame the people throwing that party. January Jones was a test, and they FAILED. January Jones is the closest thing we have to a current-day Sword in the Stone situation. If notoriously not-into-it January Jones is at your party looking like the WASP version of Grumpy Cat, that’s a challenge to turn that frown upside down. You do what it takes: booze, topless hunks, more e-cigs. And on the day that January does crack a smile, the curse of her chronic grouch face will be slain, and the person responsible will be our new lord and king.


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