Open Post: Hosted By Kristin Cavawhatever’s Gorgeous Clip-On Bangs

To me, anti-vaxxer and former MTV reality trick Kristin Cavallari is so bland that she makes wet Styrofoam peanut Lauren Conrad seems as interesting as a ginger chihuahua juggling sparklers. But Kristin is really breaking out of her shell of zzzz and has taken her style from “…….” to “!!!!!”

The permanently pregnant Kristin realized that her checking account balance needed more zeros after it beauty sense needed to be taken to higher levels of elegance, so she achieved that by slipping on the bright, shiny crown jewel of hair pieces: fake bangs attached to a headband! Kristin is pimping out a line of clip-on bangs called “Secret Bangs” and yesterday she tweeted a picture of her hair looking like a million rials (I’m being generous) thanks to those fake bangs. Kristin added the note:

Wanted to change up my look today with bangs! They’re so easy and fun! Check them out http://www.secretbangs.com

Thanks to that outfit and those busted bangs, she looks like a blond, bootleg Daphne from Scooby Doo and that truly is the look. Kristin is on to something, because who doesn’t want to look like their forehead is covered by a tiny hula girl’s grass skirt? Wearing bangs that look about as natural as plastic hay is going to be so in. I expect to see Kristin Cavallari at the top of Vogue’s next best dressed in the world list. Actually, no I don’t, because Vogue is shit and would never recognize a true trendsetter like Kristin Cavallari!

P.S. – Condolences if you were planning to open a one-night stand hook-up site for married people called Secret Bangs.

via UsWeekly