Self-proclaimed feminist and the hottie from OITNB who isn’t named Ruby Rose, Matt McGorry, recently joined topless crusaders Chelsea Handler, Chrissy Teigen, and Miley Cyrus in the fight against nipple censorship by posting a picture of himself with a pair of lady nipples Photoshopped over his own. On the left, we have one of Miley’s always-exposed hillbilly nipples, and on the right is Chrissy’s downward-facing nip from her recent W Magazine spread. Matt threw up the picture above to Facebook with an explanation about why he decided to become an ally to the Free The Nipple movement. Warning: it’s very long, and does not include any additional topless pictures of Matt McGorry. I know, it’s a real bummer.
“Hi. This is a photo of me from my bodybuilding years, circa 2010. And these are the nipples of @mileycyrus and @chrissyteigen (I hope you don’t mind me borrowing them!) from their Instagram posts that were removed due to the dangerousness of their visible female nips. Can’t you tell by how perverse my photo has become without my asexual male nippies? Sarcasm. If you’re new to the #FreeTheNipple movement (like I am!) let me tell you what I think I understand about it. The banning of women’s nipples may sound normal or even inconsequential as you think, “well, women’s nipples are more sexual than men’s nipples”. But that’s not some scientific fact. It’s because of how our society so heavily sexualizes women. And it should be up to the individual woman to decide if she wants to show them, just like men have the choice. Part of the stand of #FreeTheNipple is about the right of women to claim what their breasts and nipples mean to THEM, and not have that be defined by how men and much of society decides what their boobies mean.
At this point, if you’re still clinging to the notion of “well, that’s just the way it’s been,” then you might reconsider thinking of yourself as a rational and progressive person. If you have breasts, you might think, “I’m not interested in showing my niplets on social media or in public,” in which case you should feel free to keep ‘em swaddled! But shouldn’t you support the freedom of CHOICE of the INDIVIDUAL woman to do this even if YOU don’t want to? Like, even if you’d never be interested in joining a protest, wouldn’t you think it’s important to have the CHOICE to be able to legally protest, if one so chooses? The answer is yes. You might be thinking to yourself, there are way more important issues out there than women being able to expose their bumpy buttons whenever men can. But it’s not just about getting an even tan; it’s one piece of the puzzle of creating deep change in the way our society objectifies women and creates these different standards for men and women (and other genders). At the heart of it, it’s simply about gender equality and equal rights. – #FreeTheNipple and photoshop newbie”
Nips, nipples, nippies, niplets, bumpy buttons; you know someone is truly passionate when they get out the thesaurus.
I’m happy that Matt wants to join the Free The Nipple movement, but he’s kind of going about it in the wrong way. He totally picked the wrong picture. I barely even noticed that he was wearing a Photoshopped pair of cut-and-paste nipples because my eyes were too busy being hypnotized by his buff monkey bread midsection. I was only able to snap out of it after I spotted that awful soulful Frat douche hat and glasses combo from the corner of my eye. And even when I tried to focus on the titties, all my brain could think about was how I wish there was a Free The Rest Of The Pics From Your Bodybuilding Years movement. There’s too much going on at once, Matt!