On Monday, we saw that Jennifer Garner’s not-so-secret Hell is trying to avoid getting splinters in her ass while she slowly scooches farther away from her soon-to-be ex-husband Ben Affleck during a choreographed Bahamian photo shoot. And now UsWeekly would like to tell us all about her “Secret Hell.” According to UsWeekly, part of Jen’s “Secret Hell” was hearing the words “Listen…we need to talk about where my dick has been” from her husband.
Some sources had originally speculated that the death of Ben and Jen’s marriage had everything to do with gambling and boozing and nothing to do with him trapping snapper. But UsWeekly says this isn’t true. A source claims that Ben admitted to getting his extramarital fuck on with an “attractive love interest” sometime in the past year. Jen allegedly responded by throwing his ass out. Eventually she took him back, but the cycle of her trying to dump him and him begging her to stay repeated itself over and over again.
“She tried to leave him a few times, but he would beg her to stay. They’ve been on the brink of splitting up many times before, but it’s Jennifer’s worst nightmare for their children. Her biggest desire has always been to keep the family together.”
However, another “source” claims that Ben Affleck was a chaste angel who never stuck his married dick in anything but his wife. That source must be pretty lonely in their BEN IS INNOCENT Club, because even Ben and Jen’s biggest fan, People magazine, have subtly suggested that Ben was a two-timer.
According to a longtime friend of the actress, Affleck recently came to Garner “and told her he had not been committed to the marriage within the past few years.”
Several sources close to Garner also say that allegations of infidelity (which Affleck vehemently denies) and other troubling behavior, including drinking and gambling, took their toll on the marriage. “She loved Ben,” says another close friend. “But there comes a time when you have to say enough is enough and take care of yourself.”
“I have not been committed to the marriage” is a very formal way of saying “My dick smells like random vagina.”
So now we have the three main causes of Ben Affleck’s shitty husband behavior: gambling, drinking, and fucking strangers. Actually, “Gambling, Drinking, & Fucking Strangers” would make a good title for his memoirs. That, or “Poker? I Hardly Know Her!”
Here’s the biggest get Joey Greco never got getting off a plane in Atlanta yesterday.