Models usually have the enthusiasm of you getting a pap smear on a Monday morning and the more bored and hungry they look, the better. Well, Kunty Karl’s current dead inside muse Kristen Stewart should teach a master class in “meh” modeling at Barbizon, because she really knows how it’s done.
The Chanel couture show started off with
a BANG a fart a quick, silent queef this morning when KStew opened with the kind of walk you’d see from my hungover auntie while browsing the 4 t-shirts for $10 tent at the swap meet on a Sunday afternoon. Kunty Karl decided to do a casino theme this season and at the beginning of the show, famous and famous-ish types like KStew, Julianne Moore, Lily Collins, Lily Rose-Depp, Vanessa Paradis and Rita Ora strolled to a table to pretend gamble. Rita Whoever, the Lilies and even Vanessa needed to skip the runway and have a seat in the front row to take in the real modeling skills of Kristen Stewart.
While wearing one of Barbara Bush’ favorite funeral-going suits and working new wave guinea pig hair, KStew gave us a real performance in her short walk. Sometimes her walk said, “doo doo doo, just browsing for towels or whatever at Target,” and other times she looked like an extra sketchy drug dealer looking for her next transaction in the park. Get into Kristen Stewart’s normcore modeling swagger:
That fashion show opening walk probably knocked you to the floor and by that I mean you fell asleep and slid off your chair.
The Chanel show started off on a high (as in that bitch was high) note, but ended on a lower-than-low note. Kendull Jenner closed the show while wearing an ugly 80s bridal suit. Will somebody please tell Kunty Karl that we don’t care about the career-ending blackmail material that Pimp Mama Kris has on him. (Examples: A picture of him smiling while hugging a fat person , a picture of him wearing sweats and a Team Pippa t-shirt,etc…). Let PMK release whatever she has on Karl so he can stop using Kendull in his shows.