When you’re rich, famous and don’t want your old friends the paparazzi stalking you to get the first pictures of you “STEPPING OUT AFTER THE DIVORCE NEWS,” you pack up your kids and fly off to your house in the Bahamas. Every casino in the Bahamas is calling in their best counting cards catcher, because Ben Affleck is there right now.
Page Six, TMZ, UsWeekly and every other media outlet who was on the CC list that Bennifer 2.0’s publicist sent out say that right around the time they announced that their marriage was done, they traveled to the Caribbean. Page Six’s source says that Ben and Jennifer Garner’s first priority is their three kids and they knew that if they stayed in L.A. the paps would’ve followed them around while screaming, “Oh, oh, so now that you’re getting a divorce you want nothing to do with us? It’s like that, huh?” Ben and Jennifer just want to spend some quiet family time together in the Bahamas.
UsWeekly’s source says that Ben and Jennifer may have gotten the idea to go on a little post-divorce announcement holiday from his ex-piece Goopy Paltrow. Goopy and Chris Martin went to the Bahamas the day before they announced they were consciously uncoupling. A source says that Ben and Jen want to be just like Goopy and Chris when it comes divorce:
“They are going to try and model their divorce like Gwyneth and Chris. They feel like they have to be mature adults for their children’s sake and that they will figure out the healthiest way to co-parent. They want the kids lives to stay the same and to not have to change just because they aren’t going to be married anymore.”
Since Jen and Ben are trying to copy Goopy and Chris, I’m guessing they’re going to do the same post-marriage cleansing ritual too. Right now, a $2,000/hr shaman from Tibet is cleansing Ben and Jen’s genitals with the smoke from burning organic milk thistle (sage is so 2002) as technicians prepare the beluga whale saliva colonic that will cleanse their insides of all of the shit that built up in there during their marriage crisis.
And People also has another theory as to why their marriage ended. Their marriage didn’t end because of his boozing, gambling or JLo. A source tells them that Ben wanted a “Mad Men-style” family life. Ben wanted to be the moneymaker while Jennifer played the happy little wife at home with their kids.
“He thinks work is your priority and providing money for your family is your priority, and raising the kids day to day and making a nice house is the wife’s priority.”
Well, if Ben really does want that Mad Men life, he should try and get with Betty Draper herself January Jones. What am I saying? January Jones doesn’t want Ben Affleck’s ass. I mean, he’s not with his wife anymore. What’s the point?