After failing to win back Charlize Theron with a drunken late-night booty call (emoji of hot dog, emoji of screaming angry face, emoji of broken dish, emoji of winky face), it looks like Sean Penn has decided to run his crusty overcooked pot roast lothario game on someone new. TMZ says the lucky lady is Minka Kelly, aka Derek Jeter’s former long-term girlfriend, aaka that two-timing Riggins-riding tramp Lyla Garrity from Friday Night Lights. All together now: “RUN GIRL, RUUUUUN!!”
Minka semi-confirmed her future mistake by showing up at The French Laundry in CA’s Napa Valley with Sean Penn last Tuesday night. TMZ says 54-year-old Sean treated 35-year-old Minka to a birthday dinner along with three other people, who no doubt kept giving her “Him? Really?” eyes all night long. According to Sean Penn, who was talking loud enough that other tables could hear, he met Minka at a charity event for Haiti.
So far, neither has said anything about whether or not they’re grinding greasies, but Minka did Instagram this picture of her French Laundry birthday dinner and captioned it: “Birthday festivities off to a pretty magical start #thankyou #napa.”
What in the hell am I looking at? From what I can gather, I’m looking at a tiny-ass cup with a candle in it, a decorative tampon, and a spoon holding a gold glob of something. Is that what passes for a first date birthday cake these days? I hope Minka took one look at that yard sale plate of whatever, hissed “Call me when you get your hands on a Carvel” at that cheap bastard, and got up and left.