(Side note: Embryonic is a really good first name for a kid.)
Inside of the TLC Chinese Theater in Hollywood yesterday, the ovary eggs of horny whores fried up while watching tall sack of muscles Joe ManJello thrust his crotch in Magic Mike XXL. Outside of the TLC Chinese Theater in Hollywood yesterday, bored pro-life protesters (and paper and marker ink wasters) with nothing to do held up signs that read “Embryonic Lives Matter” and “Unfreeze Your Daughters,” because Sofia Vergara was there. Why does that make me want to sing (to the tune of Toni Braxton’s “Unbreak My Heart“), “Unfreeeeeeeeze your daughters, don’t let them be cold for-eeeeeh-vuuuur!”
As most of us know, Sofia Vergara’s clit sore of an ex, Onion Crunch mogul Nick Loeb, is suing her over the girl embryos they made while still together. Nick wants to implant the embryos in a surrogate and Sofia wants to keep them in the freezer like the 2-year-old bag of frozen peas I swear I’m going to make a side dish for dinner one of these days (no, I’m not). Nick, of course, got the pro-lifers on his side and they did his foolery work for him outside of the Magic Mike XXL premiere yesterday.
If those protesters are going to spend a chunk of their day protesting this kind of shit, they should at least bring some oomph to it. Or should I say, Nick Loeb should pay them more to bring some oomph to it. I mean:
She’s like, “This is not what I had in mind when Jenny asked me if I wanted to go to a big Hollywood premiere.”