Open Post: Hosted By Countess LuAnn’s Newest Musical Masterpiece

June 24, 2015 / Posted by:

It’s been 4 long, dry years since our ears have been moistened (Side note: You don’t have to thank me for putting the word “moistened” under that picture) by the luxuriously robotic musical sounds of Countess LuAnn de Whogivesashit from Real Housewives of New York. LuAnn followed up her platinum gold aluminum foil tin can lid hits “Money Can’t Buy You Class” and “Chic, C’est la Vie” with “Girl Code (Don’t Be Uncool).

LuAnn mouthed her new song on Watch What Happens Live last night with help of a band (who only showed up because their checks cleared), back-up dancers (who had no idea what they were supposed to be doing) and her daughter Victoria who definitely listened when her mother said, “Honey, just stay in the back behind me when it’s not your part, would you?” Just like most real artists, LuAnn got her inspiration for the “song” (for lack of a better word) from real-life experiences. LuAnn tells People that “Girl Code” is about the totally natural and not-at-all scripted drama she went through during the Turks and Caicos episodes of RHoNY.

This is the kind of organic artistry that happens when you mix together the singing skills of a burnt turnip, the lip synching skills of a rock, ten thousand pounds of auto-tune, moves from The Bobby Flay Dance Academy and a shameless boss who needs space to fill on his talk show.

That mess sounds like an Italian disco version of “Get Lucky.”

But really, all the morons who went on and on the other day about how Taylor Swift is changing the music industry are probably quiet as shit today. They are quietly deleting their comments about Taylor before downloading “Girl Code.” They know that LuAnn is the real music industry game changer!

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