The Butterly Unicornie Rainbow Pink Sparkle Empress is still luxuriating in Europe and today she Instagrammed this picture of Brian Grazer, some friends and her new man of approximately three seconds, Australian billionaire James Packer. If TMZ is right, James Packer’s orange Shrek-looking ass will go from being Mimi’s new boyfriend to her third husband. Mimi is showing Janet Jackson that she ain’t the only pop DIVA who can land billionaire peen.
Sources tell TMZ that Mimi must be yachtmatized and James Packer must be HelloKittymatized, because wedding bells are already appearing in their eyes and they’re talking about being each other’s third spouse. Even though Mimi’s marriage to Nick Cannon hasn’t been officially buried yet (read: they’re still technically married), James, whose second marriage ate shit in 2013, wants to marry her. Mimi is apparently “open” to the idea, because DUH. Trick probably loves the idea of going from sugar mama to sugar baby and is quickly co-signing Lil Kim’s words of wisdom: “Why spend mine when I can spend yours?”
Mimi and James hadn’t really hung out until she floated onto his yacht, with her kids, last week. James’ ex-wife and their kids are also on the yacht. TMZ’s source says that the overgrown baby of Jamie from Small Wonder and a frog has been hard for Mimi for months. He went to her show in Las Vegas about a month and a half ago and has been trying to get with her for a while. Since Mimi’s been on his yacht, James blasts her music all the time. So yeah, if you read a story about how thousands of dolphins are swimming toward Italy, you’ll know what’s going on. They mistook Mimi’s high-pitched yodel whistle as a call from their dolphin overlord and are answering that call.
This sounds like a huge mess, but Mimi has always struck me as the Zsa Zsa Gabor type who will have a major collection of wedding rings by the time she’s 65. I’m guessing that Mimi is also “open” to marrying James Packer, because the idea of putting together a wedding on a billionaire’s budget is making her Hello Kitty squirt out a strawberry kiwi-scented stream of pure excitement. Think of the wedding. It would look like the frothy pink glitter dump that Disneyland took after gorging itself on Candy Land. So, if for some reason you’re the owner of a dole of doves who are painted like Monarch butterflies and are trained to shit out glitter above an audience, hold on tight, because you may get your first booking real soon.
Here’s the maybe future Mrs. Mariah Packer packing it into a wetsuit on the beach in Sardinia the other day.