Come-to-life corn husk doll Taylor Swift became the guardian angel of indie artists yesterday when she burped up an open letter to Apple where she kicked at them for not paying artists during the 3-month free trial period of their new streaming service. Tay Tay wrote that she’s not biting at Apple for her, because she knows she’s got money falling out of her asshole, she’s doing it for the little guys! Tay Tay smeared blue paint on the right side of her face and screamed, “They can take our money, but they can’t take away our ability to write long ass open letters on Tumblr.” Well, I guess Apple doesn’t want to feel the strawberry-scented wrath of the Easy Bake Oven Brigade, because yesterday they announced that they heard Tay Tay and have decided to pay all artists during the 3-month free trial after all. TAY TAY’S IMPACT!
Eddy Cue, Apple’s senior VP of internet services, tweeted an air kiss at Tay Tay and said that Apple will open up their coin purse full of billions and drop money into the hands of artists during the trial period. Before Taylor’s open letter, major indie labels shook their heads at Apple for being cheap fucks, but Eddy Cue told Billboard that it was Tay Tay’s words that changed their minds. Eddy Cue also called up Tay Tay and let her know that she won. (Meanwhile, Katy Perry’s “You Must Pay Us!” e-mail to Shareaza has gone unread.)
“When I woke up this morning and saw what Taylor had written, it really solidified that we needed a change. And so that’s why we decide we will now pay artists during the trial period.
I let her know that we heard her concerns and are making the changes. We have a long relationship with Taylor so I wanted her to hear directly from us. She was thrilled and very thankful and excited to see how quick we responded.”
This morning, Tay Tay popped the Martinelli’s (aka Apple’s sparkling blood) and declared victory on Twitter.
I am elated and relieved. Thank you for your words of support today. They listened to us.
— Taylor Swift (@taylorswift13) June 22, 2015
Because I’m always wearing a tin foil beret, I’m looking at that entire situation with squinting eyes. So, we find out that Apple isn’t paying music people during the free trail for their new streaming service and a bunch of indie artists wave their fists in the air about it, but a change is made only after Taylor Swift saves the day with a Tumblr open letter? Apple gets a lot of PR right before the launch of their streaming service and Taylor Swift comes off looking like the savior of music. Hmm, I’m not going to say that this is a shameless STUNT QUEEN stunt, but I am going to say that I wouldn’t be surprised if Tay Tay and the Apple logo are patting each other on the taint for a stunt well done. But if Tay Tay’s open letter really did get Apple to change their minds, can she please write a letter to Kraft begging them to bring back Jell-O 1-2-3? Taylor, please make yourself useful for once and do this!