Nobody Is Moving Out Of Ben Affleck And Jennifer Garner’s House, Okay?

June 22, 2015 / Posted by:

As all of us who care about this stupid shit knows, there’s been stories about Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner’s MARRIAGE CRISIS for years, but lately some tabloids have been saying that they’re going to file for divorce any day now. Well, over the weekend, moving vans showed up in front of the House of Bennifer 2.0 in Pacific Palisades, CA, and so of course, everyone guessed that maybe Jennifer Garner finally had enough of Ben Affleck’s shit and put him on the curb where he’d be free to play pokah while guzzling random pussy juice all day and night. BUT WAIT!

People says that the moving vans didn’t carry Ben Affleck’s crap to his new pussy and pokah palace. Ben and Jennifer are renovating their house, so some of their furniture was moved into a storage unit.

A moving van was spotted outside of the couple’s Pacific Palisades, California, home on Saturday, and two workers were spotted loading the truck with an array of boxes and furniture.

No, the famous family isn’t relocating – they’re renovating!

Affleck, 42, and Garner, 43, are remodeling their home, and moving furniture out before construction begins, it has been revealed.

“It has been revealed” is People talk for “Their publicists told us to say this.” Speaking of, Gawker also has a piece about how People has been so far up Ben Affleck’s ass that if you want to know what he’s had for lunch, just ask them since they can peek into his stomach for you.

I do believe Ben and Jennifer’s publicist, because I’d like to think that if Jennifer Garner was actually going to kick Ben Affleck out, she’d burn all his shit in the front yard Bernadine-style while Victor Garber mixed up some “newly single” cosmos for them in the kitchen. And I’m sure next week’s cover of UsWeekly will read: “BEN AND JEN RENOVATE THEIR HOUSE (SO THEY CAN LIST IT FOR A HIGHER PRICE WHEN THEY DIVORCE!)

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